


I think I love you better now

by elle_maexx, FaeMelody



Category: Waterloo Road (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24846250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_maexx/pseuds/elle_maexx, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeMelody/pseuds/FaeMelody
Summary: Eddie and Rachel (then Amanda) dated as teens but a disappearing act on Rachel’s part caused Eddie to experience his first taste of heartbreak. So imagine his surprise when she turns up years later, as his boss and sporting a new name. Was their break up really all he thought it was? Was there a reason they’ve spent so many years apart?
Relationships: Eddie Lawson/Rachel Mason
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Eddie rarely found himself lost for words, which was why some small, absent part of him was surprised when he was. He had just enough presence of mind to snap his jaw shut, to stop himself from gaping at the woman in front of him who was being introduced as his new boss but beyond that, nothing.

For her part, she looked just as shocked as he.

He managed to get through the next five minutes, found his tongue and was fairly certain he'd managed not to make a fool of himself in front of an LEA representative. He didn't even think to argue about the job he had thought was going go to be his, didn't think to question why they'd dropped in a new headteacher with no notice and certainly no job advertisement. He was too caught up. And then, long before he was ready, they were alone, staring at each other in an otherwise empty office.

"Well," he managed eventually, "you, Amanda Fenshaw, are the last person I expected to see today."

She looked like a deer in the headlights, swallowing thickly before she managed to speak. "I could say the same about you..." she murmured. "How on earth did you end up a teacher?"

He couldn't help it- he burst out laughing. She looked startled for a moment, then gradually her lips curved into a smile and she let out a small chuckle, lowering herself onto the sofa. He collapsed next to her, amusement still visible on his face. "Rachel Mason? What's that about?"

She hummed. "Long story. Short version- I had to change it."

"Never would have guessed," he deadpanned. "Thanks for that insight."

She snorted out a laugh, hitting him absently in the shoulder. And just like that, twenty years melted away, and he felt like he was sat on a playground far too late at night, with a group of friends all drinking and laughing, the idea of the future one that hadn't even crossed his mind. He studied her, noting the differences to the girl he remembered- twenty years was a long time, but she hadn't changed much. Her hair was shorter, but still the same colour. Her eyes had never been carefree, but they were older now, more jaded, he noted, though he supposed that was to be expected. Rachel shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, shooting him a look. "What?"

"It suits you," he said abruptly, pushing down the slight flush of embarrassment at being caught staring so blatantly. She looked quizzical. "Rachel," he explained, "the name suits you."

Her cheeks pinkened. "Well, get used to it," she mumbled. "No one else knows it wasn't always mine. I'd appreciate it if it could remain that way."

He quirked an eyebrow, but nodded absently. There was so much he wanted to say, to ask her. At the same time, he was afraid he wouldn't like the answer. She noticed his look, and her eyes narrowed. "I mean it," she warned. "Rachel Mason, headteacher, nothing more. Amanda Fenshaw is long gone, and is going to stay that way. A lot has changed."

"Obviously," he murmured. "I won't say anything."

But even as he voiced his agreement, he was screaming internally. Because she wasn't just Rachel Mason, headteacher- once upon a time, she'd been Amanda, the first girl he'd loved, the girl he dated for two years before she disappeared without a word and broke his heart. The girl he'd known since they were kids in over-sized school uniforms. And even as he made his promise, he had a terrible feeling he wouldn't be able to just pretend she wasn't that person.

Rachel immediately asked Eddie all things to do with Waterloo Road, wanting to know the ins and outs of the place. Truthfully, she wanted to draw the attention away from herself and onto safer territory. She'd truly had no thought to find out the name of her Deputy before accepting the position, merely jumping at the chance to finally land her dream role. She'd heard of the school, anyone without a 10 mile radius had heard of Waterloo Road. It was after the tragic incident of Izzie Redpath and her death that the place had truly landed itself in the limelight, and Rachel was nothing but ready to take on the challenge. Only she hadn't thought in her wildest dreams that said challenge would also entail closely working with the one man she'd never truly been able to get over. Every date she'd been on had been compared to the way she'd felt after spending time with Eddie, every kiss she'd had compared to the way his lips felt against hers. Even now as he spoke passionately about the staff and students of the school, she couldn't stop herself sneaking glances at his mouth and wondering if he still kissed the same way he used to. She only caught herself when Eddie happened to catch her staring, and she immediately shook herself back into professional mode. "Let's get started, shall we? I've got plans for this place." She looked around her office and grinned, feeling like she'd finally found the place she belonged.

It didn't take long for that feeling for vanish, especially when her shirt had been covered in vomit and she found herself at loggerheads with none other than her ex-boyfriend only hours after meeting once again. They weren't even able to decide on the winner for a simple enterprise competition, and Rachel had an inkling that was to do with the fact that Eddie figured the job was supposed to be his. She found herself feeling entirely sorry for him when he thrust some risk assessments her way, an edge of bitterness to his voice as he made it clear he had planned to do it before she was introduced as the new boss. She looked over the pages quickly with hopes that she could end the day on a positive note and maybe even share a smile with Eddie before they parted for the evening. But her brows furrowed as she looked back up at him. "So are there no girls going on this trip?"

"It's my way of tackling boys underachievement." Eddie answered quickly, furious that his approach was even being questioned. The trip had been planned before she arrived, she simply needed to sign her name and say no more about it, why was that so difficult. He found himself reminiscing on some of the many tiffs him and Rachel had had in the past, back when she was his Amanda. Never anything to this scale, but she'd always been stubborn and headstrong. "Discipline, team bonding, focused competition. It's supposed to be getting these lads to be gaining a little self respect. It'll make them more amenable to learning."

"Well, it's a good job this trip is all done and paid for." Rachel could barely meet his eyes as she signed her name, not happy in the slightest but knowing that one look at him had the potential to be changing her mind. He had that way with her, a simple look that sent all rational thought for her out of the window. At least, it used to. "Because there won't be another one like it."

"You see, that's where you went wrong today." He just couldn't help himself, couldn't stand the fact that she already thought she knew best. He wasn't sure what schools she was used to, hadn't yet gotten that far when catching up. He didn't know much about her, come to think of it, not even the reason for her sudden name change. "With the assumption that traditional education has nothing to do with a certain type of kid. They all need qualifications. Brett Aspinal won your competition, not one of the kids you were targeting."

"Hey, you were the judge." Rachel quickly cut him off, not allowing him to blame her for that when she hadn't even been in the room to make the decision. That reminded her, she really needed to change her clothes.

Eddie tried not to let the anger wash over him as she blamed him for her schemes. "He was the best, I'm not into positive discrimination. What was today about for you, Rachel?" He tried not to linger on her name, or the way his heart picked up ever so slightly as he said it. "Proving that you can throw the baby out with the bath water?"

"Hardly."

"Well that's what it seems like to me."

"I do know what I'm doing. Trust me on this one Eddie." She looked to him then, really caught his eye as she practically begged. She didn't want them as enemies, wanted this day over with so tomorrow could start afresh. "So can I count on your support?"

Eddie didn't answer, didn't trust himself to. He didn't know if it would lead to him embarrassing himself by informing his boss on her first day that she would probably always be able to count on his support seeing as she'd had it since they were teenagers. So he chose to walk away instead, thinking it was best for both of them to leave it at that and come back the next day with fresh minds. But it wasn't like either of them were likely to stop thinking of the other in the hours before they saw one another once more.


	2. Chapter 2

"Morning."

For a split second when he glanced up, Eddie saw Amanda instead of Rachel. A teenager with a fringe and a constant need to hide her bruises, instead of the headteacher who was actually in front of him. He swallowed thickly, and looked away. "Morning."

"Can't you get those tents that just pop up these days?"

He huffed out a laugh. "That would rather defeat the object, wouldn't it? Besides, putting up these things can be a lot of fun, remember?"

She pressed her lips together. She did. They'd been all of sixteen, a group of them heading out to the moors overnight under the supervision of someone's dad, who was a bit overenthusiastic. Goodness, it seemed like a lifetime ago. She supposed it was, and she wasn't sure whether she appreciated the memory or not. "I thought the trip was to Derbyshire, not the DMZ."

Eddie didn't seem to take offence, immediately beginning to spout off about the virtues and aims of the trip. It was funny, all those years ago she would never have dreamed he would become a teacher, but here he was so obviously passionate, and she couldn't imagine him as anything else. She couldn't hide her amusement at his words. "I do appreciate your enthusiasm Eddie…"

"But you think it's misdirected," he finished for her. "You all of people should know not to judge a kid by outward appearances, Rachel."

"I don't!" she defended. "I just think that the kids you're taking aren't going to benefit. You're not superman, a few nights in a tent isn't going to change a lifetime of setbacks and disadvantages."

He continued to check equipment, not looking up. "I'm not looking to change their whole lives. Just… show them something different about themselves. That they wouldn't find in a classroom."

She sighed. On this point, they were never going to agree. "Besides," he continued, "if I am wrong- think how happy you'll be to say I told you so."

She felt a flash of hurt at that. He obviously didn't think very much of her. "It won't be happiness I feel," she told him and he looked up in surprise, but she was already walking away, and although he had no idea what, he couldn't shake the feeling he'd said something wrong.

Rachel saw the van approach, caught sight of Eddie sat in his neck brace and had to stop herself from laughing out loud. She cleared her throat subtly whilst still engaging the social workers in conversation. After the day she'd had, she really did need a good laugh as well as a large glass of red wine. She stood back and continued speaking until she noticed Eddie was still sat inside despite the fact that students and staff had already left the vehicle, so decided to excuse herself and step forward. She opened the door for him, aware he'd probably grumble and shout about how he wasn't an invalid. Even now it seemed he wasn't able to accept help when it was so clearly needed. She really did try to keep her smirk in check, until he hit his head whilst getting out of the van and that alone sent her over the edge and she couldn't stop herself from laughing anymore.

"What are you laughing at?"

"What hurts most, your neck or your ego?" As she asked, she reached out to pat his arm sympathetically. Only that one touch caused electric waves to shook through her body, and she looked to Eddie to see if he'd felt it too.

He seemed to stop his own movements momentarily, so Rachel knew she wasn't alone in what she felt. But he soon shook his head and continued to grumble. "I'm not in the mood, I've had a bad day."

"Your day has been a piece of cake compared to mine."

"Huh?"

"Oh yeah."

She wanted to continue, had the sudden urge to fill him in about the days events but let him go and speak to some of the boys before she stole him away. She stood back and watched him revel in one of the positive achievements that had come from the day with a large smile on her face, happy it hadn't been a complete failure for him. When he joined her again, she quickly filled him in on all that had happened with Sally and her little brother whilst he'd been gone, letting him know that they were still waiting on their mother to show and both children were waiting in her office along with some social workers. He agreed to wait with her and she was happy to have him back beside her, his presence calming as she dealt with another day of drama at Waterloo Road. Although she was beginning to regret that as she really let rip into Sally's mother about her actions, only to be stopped by Eddie with a warning of her name.

"Hey, I haven't even started." Rachel continued, anger radiating off her as she fired back at Eddie then turned back to continue informing the woman how stupid she'd been.

"Rachel, I just think you're being a bit harsh." She turned to defend herself once more, only to be stopped by Sally herself. She allowed the teenager to have her say, watching on proudly as she made her mum promise to take better care of the both of them from now on. As she did, she made eye contact with Eddie momentarily before moving over to Sally, knowing what she needed to do. "I believe her." She watched the family embrace after walking Sally over and into her mother's waiting arms, sharing a smile with Eddie as they did so.

Not long after they'd left, her and Eddie stood awkwardly staring at one another, wondering what their next step was. Finally, Rachel clocked a look at the time and made a decision to follow her heart instead of her head. "I don't know about you, but I skipped dinner and could murder a pizza." She looked to him as she waited for his reply, hoping he wouldn't turn her down quickly or at least would let her down gently.

Only Eddie smiled in response. "Only if you pour me some of that whiskey I know Jack stashed in the bottom drawer."

They passed the time with small talk until Rachel went to retrieve their order from a very confused delivery man, clearly not used to bringing pizza to secondary schools. They shared the pizza in record time, Rachel finally finding Jack's leftover alcohol and pouring her and Eddie a glass. She took one over to him after throwing away the now empty pizza now, waiting for him to grab it before clinking their glasses together. "Well I think we can agree that the outing was not a resounding success."

Eddie didn't appreciate the low level sarcasm he picked up from her statement, his ego still very much in tatters as he stood in front of her wearing his neck brace. "It was a bloody shambles. You must be over the moon."

"Of course I'm not. Yeah, I had doubts about the trip but I didn't want it to be a failure."

"Yeah right." Eddie grumbled, would have moved his head dramatically if the pain wasn't so bad.

Rachel caught him try to move and couldn't stop the little laughs that escaped when she watched him. "Obviously the sight of you like that is something I wouldn't want to miss for the world.

Eddie wished he had a better way to defend himself, but couldn't do anything other than sulk and cross his arms. "That's hilarious. Good job it only hurts when I laugh."

"No, I would have loved the kids to come back transformed from that experience. I know that's what you wanted. Actually, I think that's the mistake you made. I think you set your sights way too high. The hit rate with lads like Bolton is so low."

"I know. I just wanted to kick some arse, get them excited."

"Well now you're talking. Never give up. How about you and I put our heads together and see what we can come up with. I promise you by the end of the school year their arses will be well and truly kicked. Now, shall I take you home? I'm sure your wife will be missing you." It was a complete cheap shot on Rachel's part, a shameless way of finding out his relationship status as she held her breath and waited for his reply.

He gave her a startled look. "How did you know I was married?"

Her heart sank, even as she shot him a grin. "I have my ways. I know all sorts of things."

"Obviously not that much," he jibed lightly, "or you'd know I was divorced."

She kept her face carefully blank. "Huh. My sources must be slipping. I'll have to talk to them about that."

He chuckled. "I would appreciate a lift home. I don't think driving is possible right now."

There was something achingly nostalgic about being around him, Rachel thought as she gathered her things and they walked down to the car in comfortable silence. She couldn't stop herself from glancing at him, comparing the man in front of her to the boy she'd known. And she couldn't stop herself from wondering how similar they were.


	3. Chapter 3

She found that out just a few days later. Eddie had always had a bit of a temper, a tendency to stomp around in a sour mood when something went wrong (she still remembered the debacle after his history textbook had gone missing in year twelve- she'd been on the verge of doing something drastic to snap him out of it). That hadn't changed, apparently. The discovery of a baby on school grounds sent him off into a temper, even as he tried his best to hide it and carry on as normal. She didn't have time to press him though- she did have bigger concerns.

"Today of all days, you and I need to work as a team," she said, half pleadingly when he made sarcastic comments about gender. He sighed, hands shoved into his pockets.

"I know," he conceded. "I'm just being an awkward sod."

She grinned. "Now there's a change," she quipped lightly and received a huff of laughter, but then she quickly sobered. "You know I think you've got a heart of gold."

He'd been leaving, but paused, gave an odd look that was half pleased, half bewildered. She merely shot him an absent smile and quickly began to rifle through her paperwork, searching for a form she knew she'd put in there as she began to wonder if she'd imagine his odd mood earlier.

It was an emotional rollercoaster for them all, and Rachel knew there was something that Eddie was hiding from her as the day continued. She thought she'd gotten to the bottom of it when presented with a petition centered around Carla at the hands of Danielle and Aleisha, but he didn't even seem to want to be in the same room as her after the discovery. She knew there was no way this was all because of a case of bullying from some students, and was desperate to get to the bottom of his mood. She wanted to know more about his life, more about the child or children he had mentioned in passing. She wanted to ask him about it earlier but it wasn't the time or the place. Now, they were alone and she wanted to grab him before he rushed off and out of her reach again. "Eddie, I didn't know you were a father?" She called out in a desperate attempt to strike conversation once and for all.

"That's because I didn't tell you, how could you know?"

Whatever reply Rachel was expecting, it wasn't that and she was taken back by the sharp tone of his voice. "I'm sorry." It was clear Eddie didn't want to engage in any form on conversation about his family, and luckily for her she knew when to quit. Only at her apology, she saw the look on Eddie's face change and wondered if he was finally going to start talking to her again.

"No, I'm sorry." He turned and closed the door, a clear sign that was he was about to say was very private and not to be repeated under any terms. "The truth is, I'm a father of twins. Only, one died."

Rachel felt her heart plummet down to her stomach, immediately feeling sick and chastising herself for being so pushy with wanting to know all about Eddie and all she had missed since they'd split.

"Cot death."

"Oh god." She wasn't sure she wanted to hear anymore, but wasn't about to stop him not he was finally opening up to her so settled herself in to listen to whatever information Eddie would give to her.

Eddie took a seat, feeling the need to sit down as his legs began to give way under the pressure of delving into the past. It had been a long time since he'd remembered the pain and heartbreak he felt, which had all come rushing back when faced with the remains from the discovery. "Sudden infant death syndrome, SIDS. Stupid name."

Rachel took her seat opposite him, giving him space if he needed it but showing him that she was listening. "I can't imagine anything more devastating."

"I did everything right. Put him to bed one night, and then the next morning.."

There were no words, Eddie looked to Rachel for her reply but she simply didn't have one. No idea how to respond to somebody who had been through such a heartbreaking time.

So Eddie simply continued, having opened a floodgate of emotions that he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. "Alison couldn't handle it, she blamed herself. Then she blamed me and she got herself a new boyfriend."

It probably should be awkward, to be discussing relationship with your ex, but Rachel only wanted to reassure Eddie as best she could. "It sounds like a way of coping to me."

"Well whatever it was, I was barred. Whenever I went round, there was a massive row. She said it's not good for our son. I just.. I just wanted to see him. Look. Thats Michael."

Rachel couldn't describe the emotions she felt at being presented with a photo of Eddie holding a newborn baby, her entire life that could have been flashing in front of her very eyes and being dangled so dramatically in front of her. She let out a sound as she studied the photo, taking hold of the second image and looking at the baby Eddie had tragically lost. When she finally found her voice, she looked up at Eddie after blinking away her tears. "And how old is Michael now?"

"Three and a half."

"You know Eddie, I might sound like an amateur psychologist but I do understand how important it is for a child to feel loved by their parents." She lifted her eyes to his then, knowing he'd be able to pick up where her train of thought had gone. He was there, he'd supported her through a lot of what she'd dealt with as a teenager before their split. "I never felt that and still, it hurts. After all this time." She had much more to say, much more she wanted to share with him but was interrupted by a knock at the door. She quickly handed Eddie the photos for him to safely store away and stood to welcome Steph, listening as she presented them with their next issue of how they were about to tell Lewis Sedden he had fathered a child and lost it in the same day.

Eddie should have known better than to hope Rachel would leave it there. He was quickly disabused of that when she entered his classroom, and slipped a piece of paper in front of him. "Your ex-wife's number."

"No."

"No?"

He glared at her. "I know what you're doing. I know you, remember? Do not get involved."

"One phone call, Eddie…"

"Rachel, don't go there," he warned, looking at her in frustration. "My life is my life, stay out of it."

"But…"

"I said no! Unless you want me to start bugging you about your family."

She snorted, leant against his desk. "I don't have any left, other than Melissa. And she bugs me enough herself."

He looked at her in surprise. "You and Mel reconnected? When?"

She shrugged. "The Christmas after I left, I sent her a card with a way to contact me. She did, a few months later when she realised I'd been right about dad all along."

"She never said."

"Weren't you off to uni by that point? No reason why she would've."

His voice was sharp. "No reason why she would've let me know my missing girlfriend was alive?"

Rachel winced. "Bad choice of words. Sorry."

He sighed. There was little point in bringing up ancient history now. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do with this." He tapped the paper. "But I don't need to you to get involved. Okay?"

She held up her hands in the classic 'I surrender' gesture, and nodded her agreement. "Fancy a drink?"

"Only if it's something mind-numbingly alcoholic."

She grinned. "You're on."

It was only hours later, as Rachel finished off her third glass of red wine that she was well on her way to feeling the effects on the alcohol and deciding to was a good time to stop while she was ahead. Each time she glanced at Eddie was causing butterflies to erupt in her stomach with each sip she took of the wine, so she needed to say goodbye before she was well on her way to embarrassing herself. "I think it's the bus home for me." She joked lightly, before being pulled back in by the soft look on his face as he took a sip himself and looked back over at her. "Although this was essential I think, after the day we've had. It's good to talk, ay?"

"To you, yeah."

Rachel was instantly warmed by the way Eddie looked at her, heartbeat accelerating as she willed herself not to blush under his gaze. She quickly needed to turn the attention away from her, needed to stop his soft smile and the way his eyes crinkled as they shared a look so turned the conversation onto safer territory. "But not to the ex-wife?" She knew it was dangerous grounds, but hoped he'd thank her in the long run if it helped in any way to bring Michael back into his life.

"Ex is the word. And believe me, I'm very happy about that."

Part of Rachel was thrilled to hear that, but she could see the underlying sadness on Eddie's face and knew she couldn't just drop it due to her own personal gain. "Yes, but you're not happy without you son are you? You'd be much happier if you could see Michael. I think you're letting the pain you feel push people out-"

"I've said all I'm going to say on the subject. The last thing I need right now Rachel, is you to point out my faults." He didn't want to admit how much he wanted her on his side, fighting his corner as she always had.

"Oh go on, just call her!" She persisted, knowing if anyone was going to get through to him then it was her. "What harm can it do?"

Instead of answering, he drained his beer and then gave her a look that she hadn't seen in years. "Anymore of this and we are going to fall out." That was something neither of them wanted, not in any way, and Eddie found himself once again looking into Rachel's eyes and fighting not to get lost in them. He was well and truly under her spell, he always had been. "Night Rachel." He added softly, standing up and making his escape before he did or said anything he would regret. He didn't want to lose her again, didn't want to face anymore years without how now she'd come back into his life.

"Night night." She watched him go, smiling to herself before pulling out the number she'd written for Eddie earlier and taking out her phone. He may not have wanted it, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to put it to it's uses. She dialed the number and let it ring, delighted when a woman answered. "Hi, is that Alison Lawson?"


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie was oblivious to his boss's antics, and if she were honest, she'd forgotten all about it in the panic of the presentation she had due. She'd been at the school five weeks already, and it seemed both as if she'd barely stepped through the door, and as if she'd been there forever. Eddie played a large part of that, she could admit. She would never understand how twenty years could have passed and yet they still fit together, even if it was only professionally now.

She certainly hadn't seen that coming when she'd been offered the job.

She did, however, have a moment of doubt when she spotted him dressed as he always was. "Don't tell me you've forgotten?"

"No!" he defended grouchily, but she barely listened as he spouted off, finishing with a muttered complaint about being up early.

Her stomach churned uneasily. "You could have at least put a tie on or something!"

Eddie rolled his eyes, but obediently trailed after her. He vaguely remembered her being like this before her exams in year eleven- she'd spent weeks snapping at almost everyone, and it had once taken him an hour to persuade her to stop studying for a single evening to attend a birthday party. He paused as he put his jacket down, suddenly hit by another memory- of Rachel panicking before her history exam, convinced she'd forgotten the dates for everything and working herself up to the point she'd hyperventilated and made herself sick. He'd followed her into the girls' toilets to hold her hair back, but been caught coming out again and earnt himself a detention.

He sighed. He was going back home for a bloody tie, wasn't he?

It was worth it when he saw her grin light up her face. "It's a one-off, okay?" he muttered self-consciously, feeling ill-at-ease in the get up.

She only smiled wider. "And I appreciate it. But come here." She reached out, fixed his tie for him. "You still haven't learnt how to tie these things properly."

He snorted. "Never needed to. You used to do it for me in school, and it seemed pointless learning after that."

Her gaze flicked to his, hands resting on his chest for the moment. Without warning, she was hit by the memory of the last time she'd done this for him, on his final day of year eleven. The day he'd told her he was staying at the sixth form there instead of going to the fancy one across town, so that he didn't have to leave her behind.

"Miss Mason, your guests are here."

The past was abruptly wiped from her mind as her stomach flip-flopped, and Eddie saw the expression on her face change, and she took a deep breath. "Ready?"

"No," she muttered. "But too late now."

He bit his lip to keep from chuckling, glad as always to see a glimmer of the girl he'd known, and sent up a silent hope that this would go how she wanted.

Rachel was well aware of Eddie's presence beside her as they greeted the governors and important officials, grateful to have him on side and supporting her as she swallowed her nerves. She took them through to the waiting room and notice Eddie hang back and keep hold of Nigel.

"I think you'll be impressed Nigel. She's a cracking headteacher." He whispered to the man, wanting to show his support for Rachel and the quick turnaround she'd made on the school in such a short time. If she'd gotten her Deputy onside during the first few weeks, then the governors were bound to be impressed.

It was as Rachel was giving her speech for the business and enterprise college that Eddie sat back and watched on with pride, barely taking in her words as he focused on the soft smile she sent him whenever she looked to him for more support. He knew she was nervous, knew she needed grounding on occasion and was grateful that she was getting that from him. Before he knew it, he was up and delivering his part of the speech, backing her up and providing the room with the next steps of their plan for the college. He only stopped in his tracks when he heard a knock, turning to the door in shock as he knew Bridget was told not to interrupt them unless it was life or death.

"Mr Lawson. There's someone here to see you."

Luckily, he was saved from answering by Rachel, who looked positively furious. "Bridget, I thought I said absolutely no interruptions?"

Bridget looked at them both apologetically, but knew she had no other option. She turned back to Eddie and shrugged. "Only it's your wife.."

Eddie stopped in his tracks, not even thinking to stop and correct her that she must mean his ex-wife. Alison? Why was she here? Was Michael with her? He knew he needed to go and apologised to the room. "Erm, excuse me." He made a swift exit after that, following Bridget out of the room and leaving Rachel startled and incredibly terrified to be taking this on alone.

She stood up and went to pick up where Eddie left of, but was thoroughly thrown and had no idea what the last thing he said was. "As Eddie was saying..." She trailed off, grateful when she was filled in by a member of the board of just where Eddie had gotten them up to. "Thank you, that was it.."

Eddie saw Alison as soon as he'd left the room, immediately having his arms full with the little boy he had missed so much. God, he really had grown.

"Say hello to your dad."

He didn't miss the venomous way that Alison said such a thing, practically throwing Michael towards him as she immediately turned to walk away. "Hiya mate, come here, I've got you." He soothed, not wanting to cause his son anymore distress that Alison already had by bringing him here whilst being in such a mood.

"Rachel says you miss him? I've had enough Eddie, he's your problem now."

Rachel? Eddie blinked in confusion, wanting to know when exactly Rachel had taken it upon herself to contact Alison at all. He didn't have time to ask questions though as Alison had began to walk down the stairs and away from them both. "What? Are you stupid? I'm at work, you can't leave him here." He called after her, screaming her name as he knew chasing after her would be pointless. He felt Michael flinch at his booming voice and tightening his arms on the boy, throwing him a soft smile before turning back to shout for her once again.

"Alison? Alison, come back!"

Eddie's voice echoed into the room and Rachel knew she couldn't carry on, would have to see what it was that was happening just outside the door to the most important meeting they'd had planned yet. "I'm sorry, can you just bare with me a minute." She apologised, immediately slipping from the room and finding Eddie still shouting down the stairs.

"Alison. Why are you doing this now?"

She immediately focused on the little boy in Eddie's arms, struck with how much he looked just like his father. It warmed her heart and she coughed to clear the sudden lump in her throat.

Eddie watched her approach and finally turned to Rachel, realising that Alison wasn't coming back. "She's left him with me." He exclaimed, perplexed and more than a little annoyed at the situation.

Rachel had a sudden feeling that some of his anger was directed towards her, and she shrunk slightly as she realised that some of this may very well be her fault. Of course, she hadn't asked Alison to bring Michael and leave him with Eddie in the middle of the day, but she had made that contact. "Well listen we've got to get on with that presentation. I'll get Jasmine to look after him?" She was aware how long they'd both been gone, how much they needed to get back into the room if they had any chance to claw back the roll they were on before Bridget had knocked on the door.

"No way, I'm not having another stranger upsetting him even more." Eddie answered protectively, holding Michael closer against him and shooting Rachel daggers for even suggesting it.

"Eddie, did you hear me? We have got to.."

"Rachel, did you hear me?" Eddie interrupted, not giving the presentation a second thought as he now had a chance to spend some much needed time with his little boy. This was her fault, after all. He had wanted her about his relationship with Alison, knew it wasn't going to end well which is why he'd put off phoning her. "You'll have to present on your own. And if you want someone to blame for this, blame yourself." He stalked off them, bouncing Michael lightly and setting off for his classroom so he could set him down and make sure he was okay.

"But... I don't know your presentation!" Rachel watched him go, terror laced in her voice as she realised she was now on her own, a room of governors she'd have to face by herself as there was no way Eddie was coming back to help.

If she were honest, Rachel knew she'd brought today on herself. She really should have guessed that it would be sod's law that it would be today of all days- it couldn't have happened on an average, run-of-the-mill school day where her biggest problem might have been covering the classes Eddie was going to miss. No, it had to be today, in the middle of a meeting that could not only make or break this school, and the futures of these kids, but her own career too (the LEA had given her a lot of leeway with her project, and she knew it had it's doubters. She hated to think what was going to happen if it failed).

But, if there was one thing she had learnt over the years, it was that a bit of persistence rarely hurt anyone. And she could be very, very persistent when she wanted to be.


	5. Chapter 5

The one thing Rachel had never wanted, was for her past to crop up again. She had fought tooth and nail to be free of Amanda Fenshaw- seeing Eddie again had thrown her all those weeks ago, but he'd readily accepted Rachel in the place of Amanda and she'd managed to convince herself that was as fa as it was going to go.

Seeing Tess Doyle standing in her school felt like the floor had fallen out from under her. She hadn't been able to believe it at first, had barely been able to breathe. It had taken every ounce of energy she had to focus on what else was going on in front of her, to keep from panicking at the sight of her. The woman hadn't said anything, hadn't made any insinuations even though the look she'd directed at Rachel left no doubt that she'd recognised her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had a vague hope that her presence was a coincidence, that they had both moved on and could keep quiet and this would all just fade away again, and she could concentrate on running a school and interfering in her deputy's life.

When did anything that positive ever happen though. She glanced anxiously towards the seat the woman had been sitting in, simultaneously relieved and more anxious when it was empty. But of course Eddie noticed her look, followed the line of her gaze but of course had no idea what she was looking for. "You alright?"

She managed a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, just a bit nervous," she lied, grateful he couldn't read her quite as well as he thought he could.

He bought it. "Rachel? I'll never be able to repay you for what you've done," he told her seriously. "It's not just seeing Michael again- I think me and Alison are ready to talk too."

She grinned at him, knowing it was weak and didn't quite meet her eyes, but he didn't seem to notice, happily turning back towards the stage. She felt her heart clench. She really was happy for him, but Tess had mixed her up inside.

Eddie could never, ever know what she'd done.

Rachel watched the governors and members of the LEA leave, her smile staying as she fell against Eddie's side whilst letting out a long sigh. She could have stayed there, really made herself comfortable against him if she didn't catch herself quickly. So she stood back up and chose to look at him instead. "And thank you Eddie. No, I really mean it." Her smile was genuine, her words even more so as she couldn't help just keeping him with her for that second longer.

"Ah, it's all good if we managed to pull it off. I just.. don't want to end up being a salesman instead of a teacher." Eddie added, wanting to get his point across but scared of breaking the mood. She seemed incredibly cheery after the meeting had gone so well, and he really was happy for her.

"It won't happen."

"It better not."

"Congratulations Rachel, you did it." He added, wanting to stay and say more but catching a look at the time from the clock above the main entrance doors. "And I'd better get off, I've got an ex-wife and a son to wine and dine thanks to you." They shared a smile before Eddie took off, leaving Rachel suddenly feeling extremely lonely in a school still full of students. It didn't last long though, because soon Eddie was back by her side. "What are you doing later?"

"Later?"

"Yeah, this evening?"

"I thought you were meeting with Alison?"

Eddie caught the look of insecurity that crossed Rachel's face and knew he'd have put his foot in it as some point today. He was awful for wording things wrong, and had somehow lead Rachel to believe he was wanting to give things another go with his ex. "I am, to discuss what happens next with Michael."

"Then I'm sure your evening will be taken up, won't it?"

"Only for dinner, then Michael will go back with her and Liam."

Rachel furrowed her brow, not sure if she had missed something out. But as she racked her brain, she was sure Eddie had never mentioned a Liam and Alison definitely didn't mention someone of that name earlier when they'd met. "Liam?"

"Her fiancé."

Rachel felt like smacking her hand to her head, it hadn't even crossed her mind that Alison would have met someone new. She didn't let herself wonder what else that meant for her, simply nodded her head and agreed. "Later sounds good." She needed a distraction, something to do other than sit and stress over Tess with a bottle of red to herself. And if that distraction happened to come from the one person she was hoping to spend more time with? Then she was counting that as a win.

It was later than she'd thought when a knock finally sounded on her door, and she opened it to a sheepish looking Eddie. "I'm sorry," he said instantly. "She offered to let me put Michael to bed and I couldn't not."

She laughed softly. "Eddie, it's fine. I would never begrudge you time with your son."

She stepped back to let him in, and he couldn't stop himself from glancing around curiously. Tasteful and cosy, he thought as he followed her into the living room, but then he'd have expected nothing less. "I have wine or beer," she offered over her shoulder, then paused. "Never mind, silly question."

He snorted in laughter, and tipped the bottle to her when she quickly returned with it from the kitchen. "So how did it go?" she asked as she settled on the sofa and caught hold of her glass from earlier. Warmth filled his chest, that she not only thought to ask but was genuinely interested in his answer.

Before he knew it, he was gushing about Michael, his likes and dislikes, the fact he called him daddy without hesitation, the way the small boy had hugged him outside the restaurant. The way his whole face lit up didn't go unnoticed by Rachel, and she found herself with a small smile on her face as she listened to him talk. "Rachel," he said suddenly, his tone becoming serious. "I meant what I said earlier. Thank you."

She blushed, and made light of it. "You wouldn't be saying that if it had gone horrendously wrong."

His tone didn't change. "But it didn't. Amy, you gave me my son back, do you realise that?"

Her cheeks were hot, and she studiously avoided his gaze. "You're the only person in the world who's ever called me that," she murmured, and it took him a second because he hadn't even realised he'd done it.

"Well, it was mine," he said quietly, shrugging a shoulder. "My name for you, no one else's."

She smiled. "Melissa tried once," she remembered. "I told her that if she tried again, I'd tell all her friends that she was called Melly at home. She hated that name."

"Melly the elephant."

"Eddie!"

He flushed, holding up his hands. "Sorry! I just remembered it… I still remember you going off on those boys who were calling her that. You scared even me that day, and I wasn't three years younger and in primary school."

She got a satisfied look on her face. "They never called her it again. Even if it did take me months to convince her she was the furthest thing from fat."

He chuckled, but then noticed the time. "Blimey, it's late and we've both got to be in tomorrow. I should go." He climbed to his feet, shrugging on his jacket and she walked him out, but he paused as he got to the front door, his hand on the handle. "I'm glad we can be friends again, Rachel."

She smiled warmly at him. "Me too."

She wasn't even being tart, she thought as she watched him drive off. She meant it, she was genuinely glad to have Eddie back in her life. Even just as a friend.

The two barely spoke over the half term, Eddie too busy keep the peace with Alison and getting to know his son against whilst Rachel debated what it was she was going to do about Tess. Rachel had a nagging feeling that she'd been forgotten to pack something important for the day ahead, but still hadn't put her finger on it when she walked into work the first Monday back and could barely walk through the door to her office. Something behind it was stopping her from entering, and she pushed her way in before seeing the reason why. Her entire office had been ransacked, no stone left unturned as paper filled the floors and littered the tables. It was completely unexpected as staff had been in school earlier than her, yet nobody had made any comments about signs of a break in. She felt sick as she moved around the room, immediately finding her phone and ringing for the police. That's when she discovered her file in plain sight on the desk, and her blood ran cold. She didn't really need to pick it up to know it was going to be empty, but confirmed her own suspicions with a shake to her hand. The phone operator pulled her back to the present and she quickly reported the incident, hoping to find a rational explanation as her eyes continued to scan the room.

Luckily the police didn't take long and she had given her statement before Eddie had even turned up, was just saying goodbye to the officer as he raced up the stairs towards her. "I've just found out, how much did they get?"

Rachel didn't let herself think too much into it, but she was sure Eddie sounded concerned as he caught his breath at the top of the stairs.

"Not a thing."

"Really? What about petty cash?"

"Nothing. They're just vandals." Rachel confirmed, walking him back towards her office so he could see for himself. She definitely wasn't going to tell him what really had been taken, or why she thought that was at all significant. "Well, what a lovely welcome back. What about you? How was your break?"

"Oh, it was.. fine."

She caught the hesitance in his voice and turned to him to push for more, giving him the look that usually had him spilling the truth to her. "Only fine?"

"Quite good actually." Eddie knew she was onto him, but he hadn't wanted to tell her he'd had such a good break when her day had already been ruined so early on. He also definitely wasn't going to admit that it had passed by quickly as it felt like he'd spent most of the week daydreaming about her and reliving the past, aching to get back to work so he had an excuse to see her every day. And if he'd text her more than a few times when it wasn't even important, who was going to judge? "Blimey.." He finally caught sight of the room and his eyes bulged in shock. He looked to see she was still waiting for him to tell her the truth, and finally relented. "I had a little time with my lad. Not much, but.. you know."

"Better than none at all, eh?"

"I saw Alison a couple of times."

"Oh." Rachel's heart stopped, and she let the smile fall from her face for only a second before she quickly caught it. "That's good." She wasn't about to make a comment now, had no right to ask him what he meant by that.

"Look I never really thanked you. Not properly anyway."

"Eddie, you did thank me. Multiple times actually."

"Yeah, well. I still got you this."

"Oh you didn't have to. It's pretty well wrapped for a man." They caught eyes and she knew they were both thinking of the Christmas they'd spent together, when Rachel had needed to wrap all of Eddie's presents for his entire family on Christmas Eve as he'd wrapped them already in tin foil.

"Done with the precision of a mathematician."

Rachel let out a soft laugh as she continued to open it up, before letting out a gasp. In her hands she now held a photo she never thought she'd see again, one she'd lost when she left home and had no idea Eddie had his own copy of. It was a photo of the two of them, back when they were dating. She traced her smile in the photo, noticing just how carefree and happy she looked.

Eddie took her silence in a negative way, palms immediately sweating as he guessed he'd done the wrong thing. Why was he so stupid? Why couldn't he have stuck to his original idea and simply gotten her a book? "I found it over half term, I didn't know if you already had it.. oh god, have I overstepped the line?"

"No…" she whispered, still not tearing her gaze from it. "Not at all."

"Really?"

Even to his own ears, he sounded pathetically hopeful, he thought. She managed to glance up at him, smile. "Really. When I ran away, I was in such a hurry, so terrified my father would come home and find me that there was a lot of stuff I just… didn't think to bring. Photos amongst them. This is wonderful, Eddie, truly. Thank you."

He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he really was about to overstep the line. "I have a lot from school," he offered quietly. "You know me, can't throw anything away. They're in a box at the bottom of my wardrobe. I haven't looked through it for years but… you'd be welcome to copies of any of them."

Her breath caught in her throat. Did he even realise what he was offering? She had precious few mementos of her past, and most of what she did have came from Melissa, once they'd reconnected properly. This… this was something she'd never dreamed of having. "Eddie…"

"I mean it," he said quickly, catching the look on her face. "Why don't you come over one weekend? We can go through it- I might not have the negatives but we can always scan them onto photo paper."

She swallowed a few times to attempt to rid herself of the lump in her throat, dangerously close to embarrassing the both of them. "I would like that," she managed eventually, relieved when her voice came out relatively steadily. He grinned at her.

"Great. Are you all ready for today?"

Today, she could talk about, she thought in relief. "Absolutely- it should be good."


	6. Chapter 6

They parted with a smile and Rachel completely forgot about the start to her day after spending her time trying to keep to her plan and get Bolton back on track. It was proving to be harder than she initially thought however, as even on his return to school, he still fought her on every point she made. Showing him the tape didn't help, and she knew she was running out of chances to get him to stay in school. She couldn't go back on her promise, was so close to him walking out the door labeled as her first failure as a headteacher. Entering last chance saloon, she wanted to try and use what Candeece had told her about her relationship with Bolton to try and get him on side once and for all. Only she quickly came to regret her decision when Bolton made a move towards her, shouting in her face to keep out of his business with his dad.

Before she knew it, Eddie was there and quickly shouting at Bolton to back away. She was grateful, but had to get her own handle on it before Bolton walked out and away from his one chance at an education. She couldn't lose him, wouldn't give up no matter how hard he wanted her to. She turned back, aware of Eddie's presence now as she told Bolton she was impressed with his strength, that she admired his determination and made him an offer. The rest of the year, that's what she asked him for. She knew if she could get him on board with that, then she'd really have it. It felt like a lifetime as she waited for him to reply, wishing Eddie wasn't there in case he really was just about to witness her lose the first pupil she'd put her effort into since she took the job.

"What do I have to do?" Bolton shocked both adults in the room, Eddie looking on with wide eyes and a hint of pride across his face. That was his Amanda, his Amy that he'd missed for the longest time.

"Turn up and listen."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah. That's all I've ever asked of you, or anyone else."

Eddie could see by Bolton's face, Rachel didn't need the rest of the year. She had him already, he was truly on her side.

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

Eddie watched Bolton shrug his shoulders, saw him try to keep up his bravado as he uttered his words. "Maybe."

"That's good enough for now." Rachel promised him, finally moving aside to let him leave. She turned to Eddie and tipped her head back, rolling her neck to relieve herself of the tension that had formed there. "Will I see him?"

Eddie didn't hesitate, he moved closer and smirked at her. "Oh yeah, you were bloody brilliant Amy."

Rachel felt her cheeks turn pink, her face heating up as he looked at her. She didn't correct him, didn't want to as she bit her lip to stop herself from really showing her grin. "How did the exams go? I need to a coffee, fancy joining me on a walk?"

Eddie followed with a nod, knowing it was quite possible that he'd follow her anywhere. He also desperately needed a coffee himself before parents evening, and would take any opportunity to tell her all about how his day had gone and the dramas that had involved Grantley and Jasmine.

Most of the time, Rachel loved her job. Loved the kids, loved the school… love winning arguments against bureaucrats and paper pushers. And then there were days like today. Katie Lee's father ranted and raved, just as he had been for over twenty minutes now. And she'd lost all patience.

"MR LEE."

Her voice must have gotten through to him- he turned to face her, almost surprised at her interruption. Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm not unsympathetic to your position," she said delicately. She was, but this probably wasn't the time to tell him that. "However, Katie is fifteen years old. Neither I nor any other member of staff can control who she spends time with at school."

His face darkened. "Then make sure that brat can't come near her! Put him in detention at lunchtime or something!"

"Even if I could do that, I wouldn't," she said calmly. "I'm no punishing Alex for no reason. If you'll take some advice, Mr Lee, I've found that attempting to keep two teenagers apart tends to only push them closer together."

"I do not want my daughter around that boy! She's a child!"

"So is he," she pointed out. "Neither are in any danger. Mr Lee, the majority of relationships within these walls last mere weeks. If you wait it out, you may find your wishes are answered without you needing to lift a finger." He harrumphed, but her words seemed to work and he left her office, leaving her to cross to the sofa and collapse onto it with a groan.

"Twenty-five minutes. You must be slipping."

Without looking around, she raised two fingers at Eddie. He laughed, closing the door as he came in to sit beside her. "What was all that about?"

"He's most upset his daughter is dating a boy he doesn't approve of. Reminded me a bit of your dad, actually."

He chuckled. "He wasn't that bad."

She raised an eyebrow, turning her head to look at him. "Eddie, he hated me. How many times did he try to persuade one of us to break up with the other?"

He made a face. "He was protective…"

"He was horrified that his only son was dating a girl from the council estate. He could never see past that, and you know it."

She wasn't wrong, he acknowledged. "Never worked though, did it?" he said lightly. "To be honest, between your dad and mine it was a miracle we lasted almost two years."

She smiled in amusement. "It was a miracle neither of us ever broke something sneaking in and out of places. I still can't believe you used to shimmy up that tree outside my bedroom window."

"I still can't believe your dad walked in when I was halfway through that window and didn't bloody notice me."

She laughed, remembering the look on his face when her bedroom door had burst open without warning. "Him being blind drunk wasn't always a bad thing." She leant back, their arms pressed together and all of a sudden, she was painfully aware of the touch. She swallowed. "Did you want something? Or did you just come to annoy me?"

"I came for the humanities budget," he remembered, "Hugh wants to know if we can upgrade the textbooks." She nodded, pushing to her feet and a little relieved to have escaped memory lane for now.

She couldn't shake the burning sensation on her arm as she moved away, still feeling like she was touching him as she searched through her folders and found the sheet Eddie had came for. She passed it over with hopes that he'd leave her alone to her thoughts, to save herself of the opportunity to embarrass herself even further as she knew just how red her cheeks must be.

Eddie took the papers with a smirk playing on his lips. He knew she was avoiding his gaze now, and had a very good hunch as to why. But he didn't want to push her, decided to let her be and turned to head out safe in the knowledge that he could still make her blush like he could when they were kids. But the budget wasn't the only reason he came, and he turned back with his hand still on the door before he could open it. "Oh, about this weekend.."

Rachel immediately felt her heart drop, trying not to let her disappointment show on her face as she looked up at him. "Are you busy?" She asked, keeping her voice as level as possible to keep up the breezy attitude that she knew she was failing miserably at keeping.

"No it's not that."

"I dont mind." She added quickly, not wanting to cause an issue or make him feel guilty.

"Rach I'm not cancelling on you." The new nickname for her slipped out. She'd always be his Amy, but he had to accept that her name had changed. Even though he didn't know why it had, he didn't want to risk slipping up in front of anyone else. "We just... may have some company."

At that, Rachel's ears picked up and she immediately started to smile again. "Michael?"

Eddie didn't miss the hopeful tone to her voice, and that alone made him feel extra alt grateful for her all over again. She seemed excited about possibly spending time with his little boy, as if she couldn't get any more perfect in his eyes anyway. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not." She added quickly, securely honoured that he wanted her to even be around Michael. She didn't want to think anymore into it, but she couldn't stop her stomach from fluttering with butterflies even if she tried. "Now, can you go? Some of us have to run a school." She shooed him from the room with a laugh, practically throwing herself down into her chair and wondering what exactly it was that she was getting herself into. She hadn't felt like this about something since.. well, since Eddie. She finally had him back in her life, and truly wanted to take that in any way it was presented to her. But she found herself thinking of reasons to wander down to his classroom to talk to him, waiting just a bit later to start her day at work if it meant bumping into him on her way into school in the morning. She couldn't help feeling like her feelings for him never really went away, and were now reappearing with a vengeance.


	7. Chapter 7

Late that night, she found herself toying with the idea. Eddie, by some miracle, was obviously not bothered by her name change, and respected her wishes enough not to push about the reasons why. Maybe it was possible to build something with him, despite the difficulties. The idea was intriguing- they had been good together, and despite the time that had passed she thought they might be good together again. She certainly wasn't opposed to exploring the feeling that curled in her stomach whenever he grinned at her.

But life, as it tended to, had other plans. Stuart Hordley had been no one when she walked into her office that morning- now he was her worst nightmare personified. Her previous name flashing across her mind's eye, written on that bit of paper as Hordley's voice sounded in her ears. So calm, so smugly knowing as he brought her world crashing down. Everything she'd built, that she'd fought so hard for, all of it was going to be ended because of a chance sighting in a newspaper and the lack of morals from a man who couldn't keep to a budget.

And then there was Eddie, completely oblivious when he blundered in, somehow unaware of the turmoil she was in. So eager to find an advantage for the kids, so bemused at her apparent wariness towards Hordley and the entire situation.

He could never find out. "Eddie?" Her voice drew him back just as he was about to leave her office and instantly he paused, looking back at her inquiringly. She took a deep breath. "About this weekend… something's come up."

Disappointment flickered over his expression, along with some confusion. "That's too bad. Another time, then?"

"Another time," she murmured. There wouldn't be, she thought, but telling him that now would provoke far too many questions she simply didn't have an answer for. He was still looking at her curiously, obviously wondering what had changed in such a short amount of time.

She managed to plaster on a weak smile for him. "I need to pull Darren Brigg's file- he isn't one of yours, is he?"

He shook his head. "What's up?"

"Hopefully nothing. Go deal with your circus downstairs, I can manage this."

He gave her another odd look, but left just as she wanted and she dropped her head into her hands, torn over what to do. She couldn't bring herself to bow to Hordley's demands, but the alternative… the sick feeling she'd had since first thing only increased.

If anyone knew what Rachel looked like when she was lying, it was him. He knew she was keeping something from him, but didn't want to beg her to tell him. So he went about his day and took care of Stuart and the interviews. He didn't want to cause Rachel anymore stress than she was already under, even though he had no idea what it was all about. He wasn't sure if Stuart was too good to be true or was hiding something, but he just wasn't buying the butter wouldn't melt act he had up. As soon as he could, he broke off for Rachel's office and luckily found her alone. She looked pale as a sheet, as though she had seen a ghost. His first tactic was distraction, so pulled out his phone. "Hey listen to this. I'm going to London next weekend, so can you have Michael? Can you believe it? It's like I'm a supply nanny or something." He wasn't truly angry about it, was thrilled to be given more time with his son. He did hope it was on a more structured basis, but was willing to take whatever he was given before a routine could be settled in court.

Rachel barely looked up, and forced a smile when she realised he was waiting for her to say anything. "Well at least you two are communicating now."

Now Eddie's fears had been confirmed, and he knew she wasn't okay even if she protested it. "Are you alright?" He asked, not wanting to tell her outright that he knew she wasn't fine. She'd only protest at that, and he didn't fancy a battle about how he no longer knew her.

"Yep. Fine."

Her replies were short and clipped, as if she wanted him to leave. But she really should know him better than that, should know that it would take more than a few short replies to get him to leave. "You seem a bit off today." He added, not dropping it despite how much her face told him she wanted him to.

"No, I'm alright." She stood up from her desk and Eddie wondered if she was finally about to confide in him. She shut the door and he waited with baited breath, a warm smile showing her that he was all ears. "I just.. don't want any of us getting too friendly with any of these contractors."

Well, that was far from what he expected, and he cocked his head to the side as he studied her. "Mr Hordley? He could be good for us." He didn't truly believe his own words, but was trying to work out what it was that had Rachel spooked. He knew it wasn't the situation with Davina and Darren Briggs, so the only other varying factor had been Stuart.

"He's a businessman, he thinks in money. I already feel uncomfortable enough giving him the run of this place."

"Yeah, alright." He agreed, hoping it was what she wanted to hear. He was on her side, always had been and probably always would be. If she didn't trust him, for whatever reason, then neither did he.

"No I'm serious Eddie, I don't want this school associated with any hint of corruption."

At that, Eddie furrowed his brows in confusion at her choice of words. "Corruption?" It seemed fairly extreme, seeing as he'd seen only good things from his point of view.

"We don't know this guy from Adam, so we say thank you very much for what you've done today and we leave it at that. I don't want him on the premises again."

She was spooked, genuinely scared to even be talking about him. He wanted to ask her outright, see if she'd confide in him and share her burden but was interrupted by Bolton's arrival with flowers for her.

And as she sat back with Eddie's final words ringing in her ears, she wondered exactly how it was that she was going to get through this. He made her heart skip every time their eyes met, and she didn't want this to come between them. Eddie thought Stuart was perfect for the school, and how could she argue that without revealing too much? But she couldn't see any other way. He could never know, she could never let Stuart reveal the truth of her past. Eddie's respect meant as much to her as her job did, and she wouldn't be able to face it if she lost that. The rest of the day passed in a blur, Rachel barely able to concentrate on anything before finally giving up far earlier than she usually would. It was rare she left her desk before 6pm, but it wasn't even 5 yet she was packing her bags. Luckily the corridors were empty, before she found herself face to face with the one person she hoped not to see again for a long time.

"Oh Miss Mason! Well thanks to you, I am officially back in the running."

Rachel allowed a forced smile, dropping it quickly as she tried to hurry past him and as far away from Stuart as she could possibly

get. "So it all worked out for you. We've really got nothing more to say to one another." She only hoped she was right, but the way he stood in front of her and refused to move from her way showed her that she was not going to be so lucky.

"I admire your spirit. Your word is your bond. But you and I haven't quite finished." There it was, Rachel knew it was too good to be true. She narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what it was that he was going to come out with next. "Now that I am back in the running, I need you to make sure that I actually win that contract. You can do that for me, can't you.. Amanda?" She opened her mouth to speak a few times, but couldn't even find the words. Stuart quickly moved away and she was left watching his retreating form in shock. His words had left their mark on her, she had absolutely no idea what her next steps could be.

Eddie stood around the corner, listening to the exchange and hoping he wasn't given away by his heavy breathing. He'd been all set to intervene, but wanted to listen to the conversation before he decided if Rachel needed his help. He was starting to get a reason to why Rachel was so scared of him, couldn't see them talking but could hear the pure poison in Stuart's words. Eddie knew he hated him at that very moment, and wanted to quickly make himself known to offer Rachel some support. Until he heard the last word, her real name. Stuart knew it, and Eddie found himself desperate to ask many questions. How did he know? They hadn't met before, so Eddie was sure he wasn't somebody from Amanda's early childhood because Eddie would know him too. And then his final question settled deep on chest, because what on Earth was he meant to do now?

He listened, waiting to hear Rachel's footsteps. But when he didn't, he peered around into the corridor and found her leant against the wall, face buried in her hands.

What was going on?

He moved towards her, and she obviously heard his footsteps. It was like a magic trick- instantly she straightened, wiping her face blank and plastering on a smile for him. If he hadn't known what he did, he'd probably have fallen for it. "I'm off," she said cheerfully, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Amanda."

She flinched slightly, frowned at him and glanced around anxiously. "Don't call me that!"

"Why not? Your mate Hordley does."

She stiffened. "Were you spying on me?"

"You're in the corridor. No spying necessary," he said flatly, coming closer. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." She tried to move away, to push past him but his arm shot out, blocking her.

"Who is he? How does he know your name?"

For a moment, the only sound was her breathing, her gaze firmly fixed on an abstract point on the wall. "You know who he is."

"Rachel, it's me! Talk to me!"

For a brief moment, she considered it. Telling him everything, revealing what his new friend was going to her. And then she imagined the look on his face if he found out what she'd done, who she'd been. It would break him, and disgust him and he was the one person in the world she couldn't bear to see look at her the way Hordley had earlier. She rounded on him, her best flare fixed in place. "There's nothing to talk about!" she hissed angrily. "Stay out of my affairs!"

He was so surprised, he didn't even try to stop her as she pushed his arm away and strode off, down the corridor towards her car. That had gone well, he thought, and wondered if a bit of investigation into Stuart Hordley wasn't in order.

His research hadn't helped any, especially when he didn't really know what it was he was looking for. Stuart had his business, Hordley Constructions was putting in a bid for the training centre at Waterloo Road. But nothing else came on it. He contemplated ringing Rachel, to apologise, but he wasn't sure what he was saying sorry for. He'd overheard by total accident, it wasn't as though he'd stood outside her office with his ear to the closed door. But her anger just solidified the fact that she was scared, too scared to even tell him what it was about. That worried him, there was nothing that Amanda couldn't tell him in the past. His Amy told him everything, used him as her shoulder to cry on whenever it was needed. But she wasn't Amy anymore, she wasn't even Amanda. She was Rachel, and he had a feeling that life hadn't been kind to her ever since they lost touch.

Before finding himself down the rabbit hole of wondering where their relationship went wrong and why he'd spent so many years without her in his life, he decided to focus on the here and the now. Rachel was clearly spooked, and obviously wasn't ready to tell Eddie why. So he needed to regain her trust, to prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere and still cared for her as he did way back when. He hadn't known his own feelings when he was a teenager, but had known since then that he'd loved her. He wasn't sure that love had ever truly gone away, his heart had stopped the minute he saw her again. For him, it was as though no time had passed at all and he could fall right back into the trap of being with her. But things clearly had changed for her, her name for a start. He had a long way to go, but he had an idea of just how he could start.

Back when he was 16, before Rachel practically upped and disappeared overnight, she'd had yet another awful fight with her dad. She hadn't come to school, and Eddie had been worried sick. He knew the hours her dad worked, so waited until he'd left for a night shift before sneaking to the house and throwing stones at her window. It was a cliche, something straight out of a romantic comedy, but if she didn't answer his knocks soon, his arms were going to fall off. He finally saw her face and she quickly rushed to let him in, out of the harsh winds and into the warmth of her house. He proudly showed her the box of her favorite things that he'd put together to make her smile. Her eyes lit up, and the box was soon forgotten as she pulled him against her and kissed him as if her life depended on it. He didn't ask questions, knew she'd tell him in her own time. But he was there now, she was safe and in his arms. The world could wait.


	8. Chapter 8

It was with that memory that he got up ridiculously early and went to the nearest 24 hour supermarket, filling a basket with all of her old favorite things. He found a gift box on his way around, his task far more difficult as nothing had the same packaging. He hoped he was making the right move, hoped he wouldn't upset her further by dragging up the past. But it had worked then, and he hoped it worked now. Arms full of her favorite treats and a determined glint in his eye, he set off for work and took the stairs to her office two at a time. This was the earliest he'd ever been in work, he was sure of it. It had its positives though, as he'd gotten there before Bridget and didn't need to face her questions. Rachel was there though, of course she was. And he knocked out of curtesy before entering and showing her the box, in the exact same way he had all those years ago. Now it was a peace offering, and he only hoped she wouldn't simply tell him to grow up and move on.

"What's that?"

"My version of I'm sorry?" He offered, shrugging his shoulders and placing his hands in his pockets as soon as he placed the box down. He'd been so confident on his way in, but now under her narrowed eyes was beginning to doubt himself. Had he been stupid? Was Rachel about to laugh in his face after telling him to mind his own business?

She had a thoroughly puzzled look on her face as she opened the box, but the way her head was bent to look meant that Eddie couldn't quite see her expression, and his heart was in his throat as he waited anxiously for her to show some sort of reaction.

Unseen by him, Rachel's mouth had fallen open. She knew what it was, remembered it's significance, of course she did. She'd never thought in a million years she'd ever have someone do this for her again. She blinked furiously, fingertips resting lightly on the edge of the box. "You know," she began, forcing her tone to be light even as she had to choke the words out, "this is the second gift you've given me this term. You're going to set a precedent."

He instantly relaxed. Jokes were good, jokes meant she wasn't angry or upset. "Only when there's reason," he said lightly.

"I can't believe you remember all this stuff." She glanced up at him, and he almost sagged in relief. He'd given her the chance to say her piece, the fact that she'd glossed over it meant that he was probably forgiven.

"As if I'd forget. It's not all the same- times have changed."

"Yes, they have..." she murmured, almost absently. Without warning she rose to her feet, rounded the desk and before he'd even managed to work out what was happening, her lips were pressed against his cheek for a moment that was all too brief. "Thank you, Eddie."

He blinked, cheeks instantly heating. "It's nothing."

Rachel shook her head slightly, her voice quiet. "No, it isn't."

The way he was looking at her sent a curl of heat though her belly, heart practically doing the samba but if anything, it only solidified her decision. She never wanted him to stop looking at her like that, and if he ever had even an inkling about what she'd done, she knew he would. "I'm still your friend, Amy," he murmured. "That hasn't changed."

The lump in her throat grew. "That's not my name anymore."

"No," he sighed, almost wistful, "it isn't, is it. He stood to leave. Before he could, however, he paused and looked back at her. "Will you tell me why, one day?"

"Why?"

"Why the name change."

Fear clogged her throat, rising up in her chest and instantly causing her hands to go numb. "Maybe someday," she lied, and felt sick when he smiled at her.

He wasn't sure if he could count it as a win as he made the walk to his classroom, more confused than ever as he'd only succeeded in making her smile momentarily. Whatever she was hiding, she was scared that he would react differently if he knew. She wouldn't tell him why she'd changed her name, and he had a thought that it was a factor in why she was so scared. It couldn't be anything positive if Stuart knew, especially if he was using it to get Rachel to do something she wasn't comfortable with. If he was honest, part of him was jealous that Stuart knew something he didn't, and it had him wondering.

Before long, Eddie was wishing the year 10s good luck on their work experience, wondering exactly what it was that the week was going to entail for most of them. He was grateful for the distraction from sitting alone in his classroom and wondering what his next move was with Rachel. So he went them off with his well wishes, throwing a warning glance to Maxine as she grumbled about her placement whilst walking out the door. It wasn't going to end well, he was sure of that. He hoped to catch Rachel before she went off to her meeting, even though he didn't know what exactly was happening, he knew she would be nervous. Luck was on his side as he caught her on her way out, and she smiled at him despite herself. Keeping the conversation on neutral ground, he let Rachel worry about the lessons for life kids, knowing she needed something to occupy her mind with and distract her from where she was going.

"I want these kids to get the same as everyone else, yeah? And if you can't handle it, I'll sort it myself."

So clearly, jokes weren't the way to go. He'd tried to raise her spirits and it had backfired terribly, making him once again wonder if he'd ever really known her at all. "Ok, leave it with me." He promised, then really caught a look at her face and noticed just how tired she looked. "Are you okay?" He knew the answer, knew she wasn't. But he also knew she wasn't going to tell him the truth, and braced himself for her next words to him to be a lie.

"I'm sorry it's just.. this whole building thing is getting to me. I've had Stuart knocking on my door already this morning."

Well, that was some honesty that he wasn't expecting from her and it stopped him in his tracks. She noticed him stop and turned to him in confusion, knowing she didn't have the time to be stopping for a chat now. But Eddie couldn't let it lie, hated that he'd missed Stuart's arrival and hadn't been there to support her. "What did he say? Are you okay?"

She stiffened, shooting him a cautious look. "Of course. He's a building contractor, hardly sinister. She heard him hum, not fooled for a moment as she turned and kept walking. "His bid is pretty good," she said, half trying to convince herself. Eddie hurried to catch up with her, a frown settling over his face.

"Rachel-,"

"Steph!" she interrupted quickly, and he followed her gaze to see the blonde walking towards them. He ground his teeth together- in the mood Rachel was in, he might have had a chance at getting her to spill, but there was no hope of that now.

Late into the evening, Eddie found himself knocking on a familiar red door, which was almost instantaneously pulled open by little hands barely able to reach the latch. "Hi Uncle Eddie!" The little brunette whirlwind was suddenly in his arms, and he found himself chuckling.

"Hi yourself."

"Scarlett, what have I told you about opening the door without an adult? Especially when we're not at home!"

Just like that, Eddie felt himself relaxing as he stepped into the noise of his family. "Hey Cath."

"Hey yourself, little brother." She pecked him on the cheek, scooping up her daughter. "Beth's in the living room with dad!" she called over her shoulder, and Eddie stuck his head in to say hello. Scarlet's baby brother was laying on a playmat on the floor, and he could hear his mother bustling around in the kitchen, chatting to someone- presumably Cath's husband, Matt. He grinned- this was home.

All of them had ended up migrating to the same sort of area at different times- Matt got a job in Liverpool, their parents had moved closer when they'd had Ruby. Eddie had followed with Alison, when she was still around, for when they had kids and lastly Beth had moved too, though she was actually in the city. But they were all close enough that impromptu dinners like tonight were possible, if a little impractical for drinking alcohol. Being close did have the unfortunate side effect that his strange mood was noticed, and after dinner, Beth cornered him. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Eddie," she said flatly. "Spill."

Scarlet shrieked in laughter from the other room, just as he heard his mother offer a last cup of tea to everyone. He motioned for them to go outside, stepping out into the cool air and closing the door behind them. "You can't tell anyone," he said warningly. "Not mum or dad, not even Cath."

She frowned, crossing her arms as she leant against the table. "Okay."

He sighed, copying her position against the wall. "Do you remember Amanda Fenshaw?"

Her eyebrows practically flew into her hairline. "There's a name I haven't heard in a long time. Of course I remember her. She broke your heart. Why?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Well…"

Her jaw dropped. "Holy shit, you've seen her!"

"She's my boss."

Now, she looked puzzled. "I thought your boss was called Rachel?"

"She is."

"I'm confused," she admitted, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Rachel is Amanda," he explained. "She changed her name."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. She won't tell me, and the look on her face when I asked has kept me from asking again." He crossed the small space to settle next to her, frowning slightly. "That's half the problem."

He explained what had happened with Hordley, what he'd overheard and Rachel's reaction to it all. Beth looked worried. "Ed, there's only two reasons someone changes their name. Either they're trying to hide their past, or they're trying to hide who they are now. Whichever it is, she's in trouble."

"What do I do? Do I push, or let things play out?"

Beth felt her heart sink. "You still care for her."

He avoided her gaze.

"Eddie, after what she did?"

"It's not like I can help it," he defended. "Besides, it was a long time ago."

Beth disagreed. "You want my advice? Whatever mess she's gotten herself into her, she's a grown woman. Don't stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, and stay out of it."

She did have a point, Eddie thought, and wondered if he could do as she suggested.


	9. Chapter 9

He tried, he truly did. He listened to his sister's words, let them settle as he went about his days and only spoke to Rachel when it was regarding one of the students. He could tell she was shocked that he didn't try and ask for questions, and part of him didn't want to let her down or think he didn't care. She'd constantly spent her teenage years thinking that nobody cared for her, that she had nobody at her side or fighting her corner. Only as his sister said, what if she didn't want that? Stuart remained a topic that was strictly off limits for them, him not asking anything about it and her not offering up any information.

Not that Rachel had any, and she was trying desperately to get in contact with him when Eddie walked into her office. It concerned her when she couldn't get hold of him, always feeling the need to watch her back incase he was planning his next move. What she didn't need was an argument with Eddie, especially one that was about Stuart. So she tried to show how busy she was, standing up and grabbing her phone. "Right, even if I have to call him a hundred times, I will get an answer out of this man." She was determined, walking slightly higher after a momentary boost of confidence. She didn't let herself think about the fact that she only seemed to get those when Eddie was around, she wasn't going there today.

"He should be scared then."

She looked at him in amusement, a small smirk on her face as she questioned him. "What?"

"You're scary when you put your mind to something, I know that more than anyone."

Rachel rolled her eyes at him, grateful that at least he kept some fond memories of when they were together. She didn't expect him to, not with how she'd left things. No.. she wasn't going there today either. "Yeah well, some things never change."

"And some things do.." Beth's words rung in Eddie's ears, and he knew he should leave it there, but it wasn't part of his nature. "Amy, are you okay?"

She didn't have the heart to pull him up about the slip of her old nickname, not when he was so concerned for her. It warmed her heart with how he cared, but put an immediate guard up to stop herself reacting in the way she wanted to. She wanted to run to his arms, to cry on his shoulder and spill her deepest secrets. She wanted his support, but she wouldn't get that. Not if he knew the truth. So instead, she pasted on a tight smile and nodded. "Of course."

"Rachel-," he began, but was interrupted by a brief knock on the door and the abrupt entry of none other than Stuart Hordley himself. He immediately narrowed his eyes, before realising that he probably should be at least pretending to like the man. Stuart had no idea that Eddie had heard his conversation with Rachel, never mind that he was incredibly suspicious about what he actually wanted Rachel involved for. He flicked his gaze towards her, hoped that their shared look meant she knew he was there as extra support, that he'd stay around until she told him to leave.

Stuart's phone beeped on cue and he looked to Rachel when he realised she'd been the one to leave the messages. "A little matter of a training centre you've been paid to build?" Eddie offered, knowing it would be much more professional for him to be doing the hard questioning instead of Rachel. He listened to Stuart as he whittled off the list of jobs he'd been involved in that morning, and rolled his eyes in what he thought was a discreet way. Only it wasn't so discreet, and his actions were caught by both Rachel and Stuart, who added that the diggers would be moving in the next day. Even though he'd been rumbled, even though it was possibly the least professional he had ever acted, he couldn't help but add. "About time."

Rachel could only watch with wide eyes, fear coursing through her veins as she knew she needed to step in quickly before it got out of hand. The last thing she needed was Eddie goading Stuart until the businessman had simply had enough, and outed Rachel's past entirely. "That's really great news, we're really glad." Her comment earned her a strange look from Eddie, one she couldn't read and that worried her; she could always usually read his expressions.

"Rachel, I'd like to speak to you about a personal matter, if I may?"

Eddie was about to protest, but the bell rang and he knew it wasn't possible for him to ignore it. "I'll get back to my day job then." He threw a look at Rachel as he walked out, in shock that she'd let Stuart dismiss him from the room without so much as a protest from her.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew. He clamped down on it while dealing with fiasco with Jasmine, but Rachel wasn't obtuse- he was snappy, and openly seething over what Michaela had done. "I've done it all by the book, according to the LEA," Rachel told him. He simply scowled.

"And if it goes against her, that's it. End of career."

She began to say something, was interrupted by the door opening without warning. Eddie scowled when Stuart Hordley entered once again, looking surprised to see them both there. "Don't worry," Eddie grouched before either could say anything. "I'm going."

Rachel frowned. "Eddie-!" But he was already gone. She sighed, turning her attention back to Stuart, who raised an eyebrow.

"Something I said?"

The next morning, the tables were turned when Eddie found his classroom already occupied by a certain headteacher when he turned up for the day. "Forget the way to your office?"

"Well, you did such a good job of avoiding me yesterday afternoon that this was the only way to catch you!"

She didn't move from her spot leant against his desk, even when he reached around her, crowding her in order to put his laptop down. "I wasn't avoiding you."

"No?"

"No," he said curtly, beginning to distribute textbooks. His back was to her, so he didn't see the expression on her face.

"Eddie, what's going on?"

He slammed down a book harder than necessary, rounding on her. "You really don't know?"

Frustration flashed across her features. "Would I be asking if I did?"

"I don't appreciate being sent out a room like an errant child so the adults can talk," he told her tersely, and she looked bewildered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Stuart!" he snapped. "Yesterday."

It took her a beat, but realisation swept over her. "For God's sake, Eddie."

He stepped closer and instinctively she straightened, putting them on a more even level. "I know something's going on," he told her. "I have no clue what there is between the two of you, but if it's going to affect the school, I don't appreciate being left out the loop."

"You're not being left out of anything!" she protested. "And there's nothing between Stuart and I."

He snorted disbelievingly. "No?"

"No." Her phone, discarded on the desk, binged and they both glanced down automatically. Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. In a case of spectacularly terrible timing, Stuart's name was flashed up on screen, and she heard Eddie's scoff.

"Nothing between you. Sure."

"There isn't!" she insisted. "He's just trying persuade me to have dinner with him again."

She wanted to take it back, wanted to slap herself for not thinking before she spoke. The look on Eddie's face said it all. Oh god, what had she done?

"Again? You've had dinner with him?"

"A business dinner," she said quickly, and saw the incredulous look on his face. Despite her vow to stay professional with him, her stomach knotted uncomfortably. "You know," she said, fighting to keep her tone casual, "he reminds me of Aaron Suliman. You remember him, right? I'm terrified I'm going to slip up and call him the wrong name at some point."

Eddie blinked, racking his brains for a moment. School had been a long time ago after all. "I remember…" The boy had been one of 'the weird kids'. Every school had some, he acknowledged. Greasy looking, with a tendency to flock together, Aaron had specialised in thinking he had some talent with girls when in reality they all found him slimy and kind of creepy. He'd gone through a stage of pursuing Rachel, Eddie remembered, right around the time they'd gotten together when she'd been in year ten and he in year eleven. In the end, the threat of her older boyfriend and his friends had put a stop to his leering and comments, though Rachel had still found the boy unsettling. For her to be comparing Stuart Hordley to him… Eddie looked at her sharply. "Just a business dinner?"

"I made it quite clear it wasn't anything more," she said steadily. "But I feel a certain obligation to play nice with him."

"I see." He didn't really, didn't understand why the man who was supposed to be simply building the thing was so involved in anything. He'd won the bid, that should have been the end of it.

She was watching his expression, knew he still wasn't completely happy. "I think I should be offended," she commented lightly, and his brow furrowed.

"Sorry?"

"Stuart Hordley?" She quirked an eyebrow at him, wrinkling her nose slightly. "Thought you knew me better than that."

That did the trick- he snorted in laughter, his whole body relaxing as he believed in her words. "I'd be disappointed in you if you did go there," he admitted jokingly.

She grinned. "Bloody cheek. I remember some of your more questionable dating endeavours," she tossed back. "Kelly Mills, Tara Headey? And what was that blonde's name? The one with the-,"

"Okay, conversation over!" he said hastily, pushing to his feet and she laughed. "Besides," he grumbled as he moved towards the shelves, intent on finding his textbooks, "I got there eventually, didn't I?"

Her cheeks heated even as she snickered at him, receiving a cheeky grin before she left the room, relieved she'd managed to fix things there, and more sickened than ever over the man who could tear her life apart.

They moved towards the staff room together, both needed a caffeine fix before continuing with their day. It had barely started and Rachel didn't feel at all prepared for what the day could bring. She was battling the LEA over Jasmine and had a parent governors meeting on her hands whilst dealing with whatever Michaela was going to come out with next. It was as Eddie poured his own coffee after handing Rachel hers that Steph slid up to him and he found himself truly corners.

"How was your date?"

"Excuse me?"

Steph looked at him gleefully, winking at Rachel dramatically and glad the headteacher was in earshot. "Our Miss Koreshi has been filling us all in on your drinks."

Eddie immediately looked to Rachel, but knew he had no chance to explain himself yet. So he looked back to Steph with a warning in his eyes. "Steph, don't even. She's been-"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, she's been texting Davina all morning. I'm not sure if that was about last night though, she's still pretty caught up on your morning visit too." Steph pushed, and Eddie was sure that he was going to stuff her mouth with coffee granules in a desperate attempt to stop her talking. He visioned it in his head, knew what a brilliant way it would be to solve his problem. But Rachel was already moving away, and he didn't manage to catch her face as she headed back to her office. All he knew was that he was in deep trouble.

When he finally had Steph off his back, he raced down towards the office. Rachel was already waiting for him, brow raised as she knew it wouldn't be long before he made an appearance.

"That's not what it sounded like. She was on about resigning, I'd of done it for anyone. Steph, Grantley.."

Rachel watched in amusement as Eddie rambled, smirking as he worked to defend himself. "And you had the cheek to accuse me?" She interrupted, half joking but also, not really.

"I didn't accuse you! I was just.. curious."

"For the school?" Rachel asked, shocking herself with just how bold she was being. She should be furious, for Eddie interesting with a school matter that was being conducted by the LEA. But she couldn't help but tease it, anything to hide just how jealous the news had made her.

"Huh?"

"Were you asking out of interest for the school and the training centre?"

Eddie took a step closer to her, grateful when she didn't back again. They were toe to toe, both breathing far heavier than they were only a second ago. He watched her reaction before he spoke, his gaze drifting down to her throat when she swallowed loudly. He lifted his eyes back to her and saw in insecurities there. Saw her jealousy, saw how much she wanted his honest answer. "And what if I wasn't?"

She went to answer, had the words on the tip of her tongue as her cheeks flushed a deep red. But then the someone knocked on the door, and she almost groaned out loud. Not as much as Eddie though, who looked on the verge of committing a crime against whoever was about to walk through the door. "Later." Rachel promised, before walking to open the door and let the supply teacher in. Eddie shot her a final look as he walked away, an extra spring in his step.


	10. Chapter 10

By afternoon, Rachel was second guessing herself. Maybe she'd imagined what she saw in Eddie's expression, maybe this was as bad of an idea as she'd thought before. Stuart was supposed to be handing back the article and other evidence today- this would be over, and maybe, just maybe, it would be safe to explore the feeling that pooled in her stomach whenever Eddie was stood so close to her.

Or maybe she was letting her heart rule her head. He might not even feel the same, and even if he did, maybe he wouldn't want to be more than friends… were they friends? Surely they'd come far enough for that label. The teasing, the inside jokes, that was more than mere colleagues. Rachel groaned, rubbing her temples. Did she even definitely want to explore this? Eddie had broken her heart. But that had been twenty years ago, two teenagers, neither of them were the same people anymore- both were older, wiser, hopefully less foolish.

Her head was beginning to spin in circles, she realised, and wondered how, when she was a kid, she'd ever thought all this would get easier. At the very least, she'd better pull herself together before the governors meeting tonight. For all her talk of impartiality, she needed to be on top form to help Jasmine. And at the moment, she definitely wasn't. She gave herself a shake, turned back to her laptop, determined to focus and get some work done.

Eddie simply didn't know where to put his head. He wanted it focused on Rachel entirely, to stick in his head in the clouds and daydream the day away until he could speak to her properly. But with Jasmine's meeting as well as Mika and Brett causing him grief about his car, he didn't have the time to give it a second thought. It was probably a good thing as he got a lot more done than he initially intended, as he finally found himself with some good news to share with Jasmine. He did share Rachel a thought as he turned up to see the teacher once again, but knew this was a very valid reason. Jasmine wasn't answering the phone, was still planning to skip her meeting and roll over to Michaela's demands. He gave her the time and an ultimatum, hoping that he hadn't placed his trust in the wrong person.

Back at the school, Rachel almost sobbed as she finally held the articles in her hands again. They were all there, finally back in her possession just as Stuart had promised. She couldn't help wonder if he'd kept copies for himself, but couldn't allow herself to think so negatively. This was a step in the right direction, one less thing to be worrying about. "Thank you, I'm grateful. Any other time and I'd offer you a drink but I have a governors meeting to get to." She hoped her smile was genuine, hoped she didn't sound as excited as she felt to have a valid reason to get rid of him.

Only Stuart smiled instead, shrugging his shoulders casually. "Oh that's okay, I'll settle for the chance to take you out for dinner again. I thought that new Thai place might be worth exploring?" He offered, eyes alight with hope as he waited for her answer.

Rachel felt her stomach drop, immediately filled with dread as she racked her brains with a valid excuse. Stuart took that as his answer, and smiled softly. She must be too nervous to reply, too happy with his offer. "Shall I take that as a yes?" He asked, aware they he didn't need a verbal answer as long as she agreed with her eyes.

She knew she needed a way out, now. Before this went too far, she needed to get a hold on what was happening right in front of her. She couldn't lie that her mind immediately flicked to Eddie, imagining his face if he could somehow hear this conversation. "I can't."

"Rachel, it's a meal. Two consenting adults sharing a bit of food. If it goes any further then-"

"That won't happen." She interrupted, not even wanting him to finish that sentence with fear that she may throw up. "Apart from anything else, I want to start with a clean slate."

"Right, you got what you want and that's it." He looked furious, but Rachel wasn't willing to sacrifice herself and her integrity in order to keep him smiling and happy. It was far from worth it, and it simply wasn't happening. "Let's leave it at that, please." Practically begging, she found herself waiting once more for Stuart's reply, she didn't have time to react when a knock on the door was quickly followed by Eddie entering. Damn him and his complete lack of patience when he needed to speak to her. So he was faced with opening the door to find Rachel alone with Stuart once more, and her folder still very much present on the table.

Rachel had long ago perfected the art of maintaining a perfectly passive expression, no matter what her inner thoughts were. She'd had to, being a teacher. All that went out the window with Eddie's entry, as pure panic punched her in the gut at the thought of Eddie seeing that folder, of looking at its contents. Her fingers fumbled with it, fighting to stuff it back into the envelope, which all of a sudden seemed to have gotten a lot smaller than it had previously been. Every moment that it took her seemed to last an hour, and she was waiting for Eddie to demand to know what she was doing, for the folder to be snatched away from her even as she finally managed to slide it in, to hide it out of sight in one of her drawers, to where it was safe and Eddie couldn't see it, ask about it, about her.

She was so intent, that she didn't see Eddie's gaze dropping to see what she was doing, confusion and worry flicking into his gaze as she hurriedly shoved the folder out of sight. He wasn't a fool- Hordley had obviously given it to her, although he couldn't fathom why. Nor could he understand what it could contain that would cause her so much panic and distress, let alone believe that she'd successfully prevented him from seeing it. Regardless, by the time her gaze moved upwards to meet his, he was already looking at her again. "Sorry, didn't realise you had company."

Stuart was talking, saying something, but Rachel only had eyes for Eddie, holding her breath as she waited to see if he would say something. He did, once Hordley was gone, but not exactly what she was expecting.

"What did the knob the builder want?" When she looked faintly amused, but didn't immediately answer, he raised an eyebrow and fired a gentle shot. "Well, it was more than just delivering something."

She sighed. He'd seen. But was this his way of saying he wasn't going to push it? "As you ask, a date. And I said no. Happy?"

"I'd be happy if you let me address the governors."

Nauseous relief swirled within her. Her heart was trying to escape her ribcage, stomach swirling as he didn't push what he must have seen, didn't ask. "I thought we agreed to be impartial?"

Eddie refused to admit he was jealous, because how could he be jealous when she wasn't even his in the first place? She had been, once. No, he couldn't go down that path, not now. They still hadn't spoken about what had happened, knew it was still to come. But they had fresh issues to face, something else to focus on before they could go digging up the past. He rolled his eyes at her comment, throwing himself down on the sofa in a move that wasn't far off one you'd expect from a toddler. In fact, he was sure he looked just like Michael in that moment. "How can we be impartial when he's constantly asking you on dates?" He asked bitterly, almost sure that he was having to pull in his bottom look from where it very well may be sticking out.

Rachel knew he was being childish, and couldn't stop herself from biting at his mood either. She wasn't aware if his comments came from concern for the school, a need to protect her as they went way back, or something else entirely. She was hoping for the latter, but wasn't about to admit that to anyone else. "Is it so hard to believe that someone is asking me on a date?" She rolled her eyes, secretly thrilled at how Eddie spluttered and sat up just a bit taller.

"No, of course not." He coughed, half to clear his throat and half to cover up his embarrassment. This wasn't the way he was planning the conversation to go, not in the slightest. "I didn't mean that, I just.. wasn't aware you wanted to go out with Stuart." He continued, even if he knew it wasn't the case. She was clearly rattled by him, even if she wasn't ready to admit why yet. But until she was ready to share that information, he would just have to keep trying to get it out of her.

Rachel let out a loud bark of laughter, almost doubling over as she let his words wash over her. It took her a minute to compose herself after she took in what Eddie was saying, a stray tear rolling down her cheek with how hard she had found his statement. "I absolutely do not." She promised, and then found herself blushing as their eyes locked and the room around them seemed to get very small all of a sudden. She was aching to him to move closer, to say something promising and give her a little flutter of hope that she wasn't alone in what she was feeling.

"Here you are, I've gathered some evidence." Eddie knew he needed to break the spell, for now at least. He was in no position to be admitting his true feelings, not in the middle of a school day and just after Stuart Hordley had left the room. Rachel deserved more than that, as did he. So he quickly presented her with the school council paperwork, hoping to distract them both for now at least. Until later, because there was definitely a conversation they both needed to have.

When she found Eddie on her doorstep late that night, for a split second she had the errant hope that he'd decided to have that conversation. Until she saw the look on his face. Her stomach fell through the floor, even as confusion washed over her. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk." He pushed past her, into the living room as her brow furrowed. It was rare he was that curt and gruff with her, and she wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. A frown settled across her features as she hurried after him.

"Eddie, what's wrong?"

Without a word, he withdrew a certain envelope from his jacket and tossed it onto the coffee table between them. The air vacuumed out of the room as she unconsciously stepped backwards, face draining of blood as her eyes fixed on the brown paper.

Eddie knew.


	11. Chapter 11

It was hard to breathe, hard to think as the realisation echoed in her mind. The one thing she'd been trying to avoid. Why had she left that thing in her desk, why hadn't she brought it home or shredded it or done just about anything else with it? Somehow, she managed to drag her gaze away from the envelope, up to his face and immediately wished that she hadn't. His expression was stony, eyes cold and it felt like a rock had settled in her chest. She had two options here, and she knew which she preferred. "You went through my desk?" she lashed out furiously, in lieu of breaking apart completely. "How dare you?"

He scoffed disbelievingly. "Is that really the issue here?"

"You had no right!"

"I had no right?" Without warning, he was in front of her, grabbing her by the arms and giving her no choice but to meet his gaze head on. "Amanda, what did you do?"

She couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes, the lump from growing in her throat. "Seems to me you already know," she choked out, her voice catching as she wrenched herself from his grasp. "Get out, Eddie."

She didn't bother to check if he did so, almost stumbling to the kitchen and stepping barefoot into the garden as she desperately blinked back tears. She'd had a precious few hours today to hope that her life could go back to normal, that she could shove Amanda firmly back into the past where she belonged. If there was such a thing as an afterlife, her father was laughing at her from there. She dropped to sit on the patio step and buried her face in her hands, giving up the fight against her tears.

When she heard movement behind her, she couldn't even muster up the energy to be surprised. Eddie didn't say a word as he slowly stepped out of the house, and she didn't turn to look at him, though she did raise her face out of her hands. He lowered himself beside her, staring out across the garden. "Explain."

"What is there to say?"

"Rachel!"

She sighed, closed her eyes. "What do you want to know Eddie? How many men? The things I did? If I regret it?"

"Do you?" The words spilt from his lips before he could stop them.

"Every moment since the day I started."

Unseen by her, his expression contorted, hands clenching convulsively. "If you hated it, why did you do it?"

"Because I had nothing else," she said simply, and finally looked round at him. "I was seventeen, alone in a big city. No money, no qualifications, no one was hiring. I ended up in this hostel. Met a girl there- we became friends and when she saw how much I was struggling, she offered me a way to make a thousand quid a week. By the time I realised… it was too late."

"Why didn't you just leave? Come home?"

She let out a bitter laugh. "The men I worked for? You didn't just leave. And there was nothing left for me at home."

He felt a sting of hurt at that. "There was me. And Melissa."

"And you would have understood, would you?" A fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks. "If I'd come back and told you what I'd done? Teenaged-you would have understood?"

The look on his face said it all, and she couldn't bear to see it anymore, turning back to face the garden. He looked at his hands, closed his eyes. "No. I wouldn't have."

"There you go then."

She felt broken, her worst fears suddenly in front of her. Before now, she had let herself imagine that there may be a possibility of getting back what they once had, of revisiting their old feelings and seeing if there was a chance for their old love to return. He was the only man Rachel had ever been in love with, the only person she'd ever truly been close to. At least she didn't have to think about it anymore, all hopes and dreams of a romantic reunion had dramatically gone down the toilet. As had his respect for her, and possibility his ability to work by her side. The only thing she didn't want to he affected was the school, but with Stuart Hordley throwing his weight around, she wasn't sure that was possible. Now, she was probably going to lose her Deputy only weeks after starting and she was sure there was some form of record for that.

"But now.."

She looked up at his words, whipping round to face him so quickly that she gave herself whiplash. There was hope, in those simple two words that he'd whispered, she heard hope. "Now?" Rachel's heart stopped and she forgot how to breathe. She needed him to finish what he wanted to say, needed to know where he stood and who's side he was on. She wasn't sure she'd be able to handle if he decided to team up with Stuart, too disgusted in her past actions to think about offering her any support. That wasn't Eddie, not deep down, not the Eddie she'd known and loved. But situations like the one she currently found herself in made her realise just how far away they were from the couple they once used to be, and how different their lives had turned out to what they had planned.

Eddie caught her eyes, saw the broken look she was throwing his way as she worried her lip between her teeth. She was wringing her hands together, twisting them in the way she always did when she was nervous. The look she had on her fact sent him back in time, to when she'd held the exact same pose and told him all about what was really going on at home. This was different, even more serious of a situation than it had been back then. But he still wanted to help her, just as he always had done. "I need to know what's been happening, then we can work out what to do next." He didn't have the facts yet, didn't know what Stuart knew and what that meant for Rachel. But he never had been able to say no to her, so he wasn't about to start now. She needed him, and unlike back when they were still only children, he was in a position to help. He couldn't go up against her father, couldn't be the knight in shining armor she desperately needed when he was only a kid himself. This was his chance to make it right, to show her that he wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't want to lose her again.

"We?" She asked quietly, as if scared she'd misheard or misunderstood. He was still there, right in front of her. He hadn't upped and left, hadn't thrown the papers in her face alongside his resignation. She'd been so scared to tell him, so scared of how he'd react to all she'd been through that she forgot to think about who it was she was dealing with. She knew Eddie, knew he wasn't the type to be disgusted at something she'd had to do to survive. At the time, there would have been no way they'd of made it through. He'd admitted that to her, and she admired her honestly.

Eddie took a tentative step closer to her, taking hold of her hands before they began to cramp from how hard she was twisting her fingers around each other. "Yes, we." He confirmed, seeing as he should have guessed she'd need more reassurance. "Let me help you, let's do this together. Whatever you're facing, let me be by your side.. please." He didn't want to push his presence onto her, knew how fiercely protective she was of her own feelings. He only hoped that with the years, she'd gained the ability to accept help when it was offered to her.

Rachel's hand flew to cover her mouth, not quite fast enough to muffle her sob. Tears wet her cheeks, and Eddie hurriedly stepped close enough to raise his hands, wipe them away. "Amy, don't cry…"

"You don't hate me?" It had burst out before she could stop it, disbelief and hope warring within her and sending her brain off until a tailspin.

"Never." This time, it was Eddie's turn to speak without thinking, the instinctive response as honest as anything he'd ever said to her. He watched as fresh tears welled up in her eyes, and didn't even hesitate in enfolding her into his arms.

It was the best and the worst thing he could have done. They hadn't touched like this since he'd walked into that office and found her sitting there, had mostly limited their touches to normal co-worker stuff that occasionally crossed the line into friends. This only emphasised to him how much he wanted more, how honest he'd been in what he'd said to her earlier. He tightened his arms around her, felt her bury her face into his shirt as she took several deep, steadying breaths.

"You were angry when you got here." Her voice was quiet, still doubtful. He couldn't blame her, he supposed, tilting her head up to look at her properly.

"Of course I was angry. You kept this hidden from me, and even worse Stuart Horldley apparently knows all about it!"

She flinched, and he noticed. "Amanda," he said forcibly, trying to gain her attention. It worked.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I already know he's blackmailing you." His frank tone had her grimacing. "I just don't know how bad it got, or how far you went."

His stomach dropped when she pressed her lips together, averted her gaze as fresh tears pricked in her eyes. "Too far," she admitted quietly. So panicked over the thought of Eddie discovering what she'd done, of putting Bolton and any other child Hordley picked on in danger, she had done whatever the man asked and now Eddie was going to find out. The thought was almost as bad as everything else.

Eddie gripped her hand. "Amanda. What did you do?"

She closed her eyes. "Made sure he got the contract for training centre." She didn't dare look at him. "Got him into the running for it in the first place. And screwed the school financially for the next few years to make it happen."

"I think you'd better explain from the beginning." Eddie's voice was quiet, non-judgemental and in some ways it was even worse. She nodded her agreement, allowing him to lead her to sit down and sent up a silent prayer that what she was about to tell him wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back.

And he listened, watched the pain flash across her face as she told him how she'd first discovered Tess in the audience of their musical. He'd known she was off with him, knew something had bothered her but was dealing with his own issues at the time to really pay attention to her mood swings. He knew that was his first mistake in the many that had led them to this moment, where she was scared half to death by Stuart and his threats. "So our plans at the weekend? You weren't just avoiding Michael?" He had to ask, needed to know if that was something he'd made up in his own head or if it really was how Rachel had been feeling about seeing his son.

Her head whipped to him, hair hitting him in the face as she finally made eye contact and furrowed her brows in confusion. "Avoiding.. what? You thought? Oh Eddie, of course I wasn't avoiding Michael." She wanted to kick herself for how stupid she'd been. So desperate to hide her past and so oblivious to the pain she had caused by doing so. Simply telling him the truth would have probably saved her a lot of pain, as he'd yet to leave her side. "I was terrified that if you found out what I did, that you'd leave. I didn't want you to leave, not when I'd just found you again." Her words were almost a whisper, as if revealing her deepest secrets. She wasn't of course, that one had been revealed previously and on the same night. But it was still such a sensitive subject, and she still feel like she was walking on eggshells. At any moment Eddie could decide that he'd heard enough, that he no longer wanted to listen to what she had to say and that he simply couldn't support her anymore. He was well within his rights to leave and never look back, so Rachel was clinging to the hope that he wasn't going to do that.

Eddie had to admit there was some logic, he was definitely known for flying off the handle. His instincts were to react irrationally and deal with the consequences much later on.. or never if possible. But his Amanda was always the one to calm him down, always there to help him see clearly and stop himself getting into trouble. Now it was her in trouble, and his time to shine as her support. "I'm not leaving. Not now, not ever. We will not let Stuart bloody Hordley beat us, okay? No matter how much he wants to take you out for dinner." He was one step away from his bottom lip sticking out, suddenly reminded of just how angry he was with Stuart for that one little factor.

Rachel couldn't help but laugh at that, a small chuckle that shook her shoulders. "Are you jealous?" It was a bold move, and she regretted the words as soon as they left her lips but she also couldn't help herself. It was nice to have a reason to lighten the mood slightly, to set a playful tone for just a moment.

Eddie gaped at her, his mouth comically opening and closing. He couldn't find the words, didn't know the correct way to respond to her without causing her to run away or make himself look like a total idiot. "Why would I be jealous?"

"I don't know. Why would you be jealous?" She threw back, her face near splitting in half due to her large grin. It wasn't how she expected the conversation to go, especially not when he had turned up with the folder only hours before.

Once again Eddie found himself unable to reply, racking his brain for the right words. He couldn't find them, lost in the image of her smiling and being far too happy with himself for being the cause of her happiness even for a second. So he lost the battle he was having in his head, stopping trying to find the right words and simply moved closer to press his lips against hers. He didn't know if she'd respond, had a feeling she'd run for the hills but he didn't let himself think of it too much. He was finally kissing her, after all these years of thinking he'd never be able to feel her lips against his again. Now he just needed to see if she'd kiss him back, or slap him around the face for even trying.

Rachel did neither. Too shocked at his sudden move, her brain short-circuiting out of pure surprise. When she didn't respond but neither pulled away, Eddie drew back, biting his lip as she stared at him in surprise. "What was that?"

He quirked an eyebrow, looking amused. "We've done it enough in the past, I shouldn't think you need me to explain."

"Eddie." Her voice was almost frightened, cutting off his attempt at humour. His expression softened and he reached out towards her, intending to brush her hair away from her face but before he could touch her she scrambled backwards, shaking her head with wide, panicked eyes. "What are you doing?"

This hadn't been a reaction Eddie was expecting. "Rachel…"

"No!" Her arms were half-wrapped around herself, as if that could ward him off. "No, you can't…"

Definitely not what he'd been expecting. He frowned at her, head tilting slightly. "Why not?"

"Because you can't! After everything you've learnt today, there's no way you could possibly- you couldn't- how could- mmph!" She found her lips unexpectedly occupied once again. Eddie had surged forward, showing her how wrong she was the best way he knew how. One hand gently cupping her head, the other landing on her hip to stop her moving away again.

When he pulled back again, Rachel still had a look of shock on her face, lips parted. Eddie didn't move, waited patiently for her to do something, say something.

Realisation slowly swept into her eyes. "Oh…"

Eddie smiled, shrugging at her. It took a few beats, but gradually, her own smile began to grow. And then it was her turn to kiss him, deeper this time as they pressed against each other, this achingly familiar and bittersweetly new all at the same time. Lips and touches and breathy sighs that only ended when the need for oxygen became overwhelming, and even then Eddie dared not let her retreat too far and so wrapped his arms around her in a hug, burying his nose in her hair as he caught his breath.


	12. Chapter 12

She lay her head against his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent that she'd always considered to be the smell of home. His cologne hadn't changed, and always brought a tear to her eye whenever she walked past another man wearing the same. "You don't mean.."

"Rach-" Eddie stopped her talking with a call of her name, and another kiss when her attention was firmly back on him. He was smiling against her lips more than anything, but needed to stop her worrying any longer. He knew her mind would do this, allow itself to run away with so many different worries that she would work herself up into a frenzy. It had always been the case, she was the first one to blame herself or think the worst of any situation. It seemed not much had changed in their years apart after all.

But Rachel needed to speak to him, needed to know what he wanted to happen next. Only that was next to impossible when he was in front of her and so insistent of kissing her senseless. She still needed to try though. "But, you can't-"

"What? Still find you attractive?" He cut her off once more, and could tell she was getting slightly annoyed at not being able to finish a sentence. He wouldn't let her do it to herself though, didn't want to hear whatever negative words she was to say about herself. "Still want to protect you at all costs? Still want to fight by your side and make sure you're okay? Because I do, to all of the above. I'm not going anywhere, from the school or from you." Of course he'd considered it, thought about how much easier it would be if he simply handed in his resignation and walked away from the situation completely. Only the thought of never seeing Rachel again, when he'd only just found her, was not a pleasant one. The idea of leaving her alone and scared to fight Stuart Hordley appealed to him much less, and he knew his position was to stay right by her side.

Rachel mulled over his words, sounding so final and so much like a promise that she really was starting to believe him. His eyes looked so hopeful, his smile not going anywhere since the moment she allowed him to kiss her and then proceeded to kiss her back. It had been a long evening, but she feared it wasn't over yet. Seeing as the topic of her past was still very much on the cards, she decided to bite the bullet and go the whole way. "What happened to us?" She questioned, more of a thought than something that required an answer. She was thinking out loud more than anything, wondering how she'd managed so many years without this man by her side.

"What do you mean?"

"With us, our break up." She clarified, waiting with baited breath for his reply.

Eddie didn't have an answer to that, guilt eating away at him as he pulled her closer. He feared that the more this conversation continued, the higher the chance was that Rachel would ask him to leave. Discussing the past was never going to be a nice conversation, and he was scared to lose the closeness they'd managed to gain back that evening. "This should have always been the case, I should have always been here. Why did you leave Amy? Why did you leave me?" His words were broken, his voice catching in his throat as he asked the one question he wasn't too sure he wanted the answer to. Either way he wasn't going to like it, wasn't going to enjoy hearing about what forced her away from him in the first place and why she didn't trust him enough to let him know what was happening with her.

The last thing Eddie was expecting was for Rachel to abruptly pull away from him, stepping out of his hold with her eyes flashing furiously. "Don't you dare put it all on me! You're the one who broke up with me, remember?"

Eddie's jaw dropped. "I broke up with you?" he repeated incredulously. "I'm not the one who ran away!"

Her eyes pricked with tears. "Don't you dare! You know why I had to run, I didn't have a choice! You did! You made your decision, and it wasn't me. You don't get to turn around now and play the victim!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he exploded. "You were the one who vanished overnight, Amy! Without a damn word! Leaving me standing there on Monday morning wondering where you were! I had to find out from your sister of all people that you'd run away over the weekend!"

He was expecting her to yell back at him, defend her actions, backpedal over what she'd done- instead, she had a stricken look on her face, frozen in place as horror crept onto her eyes. "You didn't get it…"

"Get what?"

"Eddie… I didn't leave until Monday evening," she whispered, and anger flashed across his face.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I wanted you to come with me." Her voice cracked, tears swimming in her eyes.

He froze. "What?"

"I wanted you to come," she choked out. "The Friday night before I left- do you remember?"

He nodded, brow furrowing as he leant against the table. "Of course. Your old man caught us after school under the trees."

"He was so angry," she murmured. "He locked me in the house, didn't let me out all weekend. I had three broken ribs and a black eye."

"Rachel…"

"I decided to leave, just like we'd always talked about. I knew he'd let me go to school Monday morning because he didn't want to draw attention, wouldn't miss me until 4 so that was my chance."

"And you left."

"No. I wrote you a letter," she told him, choking back tears. "Telling you what had happened, that I was leaving for London like we'd discussed, that I was going to find a job and go to night school. And asking you to come with me."

The words hung between them, heavy and suffocating. "I never got any letter," he murmured eventually, heart constricting even as his stomach jumped at the thought she might be telling the truth. She let out sob, pressing her fingers to her mouth.

"Melissa was supposed to give it you. She promised me- dad let her go where she pleased, when she pleased. The Sunday, she said she was going to get it to you. I waited all day for you at the bus station."

She'd lost the fight against the tears- they were streaming down her face. Eddie's mouth was agape, head swimming. "Rach…"

"I waited," she repeated, as if he'd never spoken. "Decided maybe your dad had decided to drive you to school that day, like he did sometimes, maybe you hadn't been able to sneak away. Maybe you needed time to go back for your bag, and hadn't been able to get away from your mother. I made excuses for you hour after hour but then the last bus was leaving and… I figured you'd finally decided I wasn't worth it. So I got on it."

He was shaking his head, tears shining in his own eyes. "I never got that letter, Amy, I swear. You just never turned up to school on Monday morning. Or then Tuesday, and I couldn't very well go to your house so eventually I cornered Melissa and she told me you'd left without saying anything to anyone. That you'd left me."

"I never would have." It had slipped out before she could stop it, and her hands rose to cover her mouth as she let out a sob, turning away from him. She cried openly, weeping for what they'd lost and what they could have had if everything had worked out as she planned.

Both their worlds had turned upside down. Eventually, Eddie stepped forward, reaching out but never quite touching her. "Amy…"

"Don't call me that." Her voice was harsh, tear-filled. She swallowed thickly, took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's in the past, we can't change it. We'd already forgiven each other- turns out we just have less to forgive than either of us thought."

He rested his hands on her shoulders, relieved when this time she didn't pull away. "It does matter. Of course it matters."

She shook her head, moved to sit back on the patio step and wrapping her arms around herself. Eddie shoved his hands into his pockets, watching her for a long moment. "I would have come."

She froze, heart thumping out of her chest before she twisted abruptly to stare at him. "What?"

"I would have come," he repeated. "Without a second thought."

He was joking with her, he had to be. This was a sick trick, something that he was going to laugh about any moment and call her gullible for believing him. "That's not funny Eddie." She added, willing herself not to cry incase this really was all part of a practical joke. She never had Eddie down for the type to be cruel, but she couldn't figure out another explanation to what he was saying.

"Who's laughing?"

She searched his face, looked for any signs that he wasn't deadly serious. She couldn't be wrong about this, couldn't let her heart run away and leave her head miles behind. This was too important. He was too important. Not to mention their jobs, the school needed to come first. "You can't mean-"

"I can. And I do." He interrupted, almost throwing his hands up in frustration as he begged her to believe him. "It's true, I would have gone with you."

"Are you serious?"

Now he did roll his eyes, but more at himself. He should have expected this, he did know her after all. She'd never been one to take a compliment, thought he'd been part of a bet when he finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. It actually took him weeks to convince her to even talk to him properly, let alone take her on a date. It was only as he got to know her family situation more did he realise that her insecurities were for a very good reason. "I meant it then, I loved you. My feelings are all a muddle right now but I'm pretty sure I still love you." He took a leap of faith, the words practically spilling out of him. It was probably too soon for such bold statements, but Eddie was entirely sure that he fell back in love with her all over again the minute they were introduced. It was like a light switch was turned back on, as though their hands touched and all of his feelings came flooding back.

"Eddie-"

"With my whole heart. Apart from Michael of course." Now that? How could she argue with that? It was serious, with him feeling strongly enough to bring his son into the equation.

She was gaping at him like a fish now, clearing her throat multiple times as she tried to find her voice. It was a struggle, racking her brain for the right words. "Of course. You really mean that?"

"I do. I'd have followed you then, and I'd follow you anywhere now too. I just wish.." He trailed off, not entirely sure what it was he wished. He wouldn't trade Michael for anything, would hate to wish for any other path that didn't leave to his little boy. But the lost years of having Rachel by his side? He'd do anything to get them back.

"Me too. It could have been so different. I can't believe-"

"You know, I've never bloody liked your sister." He saw she was struggling, knew she couldn't quite comprehend what it was that Melissa had done. The question of why didn't even bare thinking about, because there's no way they'd be able to come up with an answer between them.

"What did she say? When she said I'd gone?"

He settled in next to her, casting his mind back to twenty years ago. "Not much. I asked where you were, why you weren't in school and she said she had no idea, that you'd packed a bag and run off over the weekend without a word to anyone."

Rachel closed her eyes. She had hoped it was a mistake, that her sister hadn't done it on purpose but that was an outright lie. "She knew. I told her I was leaving, and where I was going."

Eddie was frowning. "I don't understand," he admitted. "She was upset, for months afterwards. She used to come and talk to me, I assumed because I was a connection to you."

"And you were to much of a gentleman to send her away, even though you didn't get on with her." She had a knowing tone to her voice, and he shrugged.

"She was a part of you. I knew how much you loved her. And she really missed you."

"I find that difficult to believe."

But he shook his head. "No, she did. When we were at the park, she used to gravitate towards me. And I remember her getting blind drunk at James Clark's birthday party, she-," he cut himself off, the oddest expression on his face as Rachel looked at him curiously.

"What?"

Eddie had paled, glanced at her apprehensively. "I…"

"Eddie, what?"

He swallowed thickly. "I'd forgotten," he admitted. "Saying that reminded me. It was a few months after you'd left, Janie Sanders had a party."

She raised an eyebrow. "She was always having parties."

"Yes, but this one was different. Her parents were gone, the whole of sixth form was there, along with a good portion of years ten and eleven," he remembered. "Melissa included. She was three sheets to the wind before she even arrived. I remember her coming to dance with me, and… trying to kiss me."

"What?" It was ridiculous, Rachel knew, to be angry over the actions of a fifteen-year-old, twenty years later but she couldn't help it- she'd only been gone a few months, and Melissa had moved in on her boyfriend?

"I always thought it was just alcohol and missing you," Eddie murmured. "There was a big end-of-year party that summer, she was all over me. I ended up passing her off to her friends, I didn't pay her much attention- I just passed her off as a silly, upset girl. I never thought much of it."

Rachel felt sick. "What are you saying? You think Melissa… she's many things but she's not malicious. She wouldn't have… she couldn't…"

He grabbed her hand, couldn't bear to see her distressed. "I'm sure she didn't," he comforted her. "It was probably just a coincidence."

Fresh tears were slipping down her cheeks as she looked at him, pale under the pinkened eyes. "Do you realise what she did? Not just to our relationship, but to us individually? If she hadn't…" Everything would have been different, and she didn't know how she was ever supposed to come to terms with the fact that her sister had been the one to do that to her.

God, Rachel always knew her family was messed up but this really did take the biscuit. Her blood was still boiling as she imagined Melissa trying to kiss Eddie. It was irrational to be so angry over something that happened so long ago, but she couldn't help it. Her innocent little sister, who held her as she cried and said she needed to leave. Who had promised to follow her, who told her that she couldn't leave Eddie anyway. It was Melissa who told her to write a letter, who said it would be an easier way for Eddie to find out that she was going and know how much she wanted him with her. She hated herself for believing her, for not following her gut and telling Eddie face to face as she wanted to. The feeling she'd felt when she knew he wasn't coming was a pain she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy, worse than anything she'd ever felt at the hands of her father. She felt abandoned, and the feeling of not being good enough had stayed with her for her entire life. Second guessing everything, wondering if things would be different if she'd looked different or dressed a different way. To find out that was all for nothing, that Eddie had wanted to be with her after all, was like another punch to the gut. She tried not to cry, but her tears seemed inevitable.

Eddie watched the tears slip down her cheeks, tracked them on the way down and finally moved his hand up to catch them. "I know." He soothed, stopping her train of thought before she was inconsolable. He knew was she was thinking, knew she was back at that dark place that she'd fought so hard to get out of. "I know Rach, trust me, I'm thinking the same." All of the pain, all of the loss he'd felt and the heartache he'd spent years trying to get over. He thought she'd abandoned him, left him for a better offer and ran off for a better life. If he'd have known, he could have saved her. "I could have been there Rach, all those years. The things you did, I could have protected you."

"That's not your fault." She interrupted quickly, shaking her head at the nonsense he was coming out with. Now she knew, he couldn't have known. She'd be lying if she said that she'd never thought it herself, how different things could have been if he was with her. She'd blamed him during her darkest times, and to know all that was for nothing hurt her deeply.

Eddie found himself second guessing every decision he'd ever made, wondering how he'd managed to believe Melissa and not see through her lies. "It feels like it, I should have known you'd never really leave."

"I'd never have left you, you're the only person I've ever loved." The statement was more true than ever now, especially knowing her little sister had done something so twisted. Even when Melissa found out what Rachel had needed to do, how she'd come home with a different name and a brand new identify, she hadn't told her the truth. She'd kept up her act as Rachel cried for what her life had turned in it, and listened as she'd wished for a different way things could turn out.

"We have two options."

"What?"

"We know the real reason now Rach, we know the truth. It was neither of our faults, not really. But we can either ignore it and remain professional, pretend like tonight never happened. Or, and this is my chosen option, we can try and work towards something new.. together."

She didn't even have to think, caught sight of the smirk on his lips and moved towards him. "Option two please." She managed to mutter before her lips met his once more.


	13. Chapter 13

Eventually, the pair had been motivated by the cool night air to migrate inside, glasses of wine quickly downed before they ended up entwined on the sofa, laying together and both pretending it wasn't achingly different from how they remember. But how could it be the same? They weren't teenagers anymore, it had been twenty years since they'd last done this and despite Eddie's words, it would be some time before that became okay in either of their minds. Regardless of that, however, this was nice, both more content in their current positions then they'd been in a while.

"Can I ask you something?" Eddie's voice broke the silence, his fingers drawing lazy patterns against her side.

"Of course."

"Did you mean what you said? That you hadn't loved anyone since?" It wasn't that he didn't believe her, but she had a way of drawing people in and he couldn't believe no one had been interested.

Rachel hummed. "I dated, of course. But I was always so scared of my past being found out, I kept everyone at arms length. Until you came crashing through and refused to allow me to do that."

He smiled at the teasing tone, huffing out a laugh even as his mind whirred. She'd said she had Melissa, but beyond that she'd been alone for so long. He couldn't even imagine it.

"Eddie?"

He blinked, looked down at her. "Sorry, I was thinking."

"Mark it on the calendar," she quipped, receiving a poked out tongue in return. She shifted so that she could look at him properly, resting her chin on her arm. "Are you okay?"

He found himself playing with her hair before he'd even realised he'd lifted his hand. "I'm fine. Just... very glad we both ended up at Waterloo Road at the same time."

"Me too." She reached for his hand, interlinked their fingers. "So what happens now?"

"Now?" He looked considering, shot her a grin. "Now we spend the next few days trying to keep our hands off each other before I take you on a date this weekend."

She burst into laughter. "Presumptuous, aren't you?"

Somehow, despite the lack of space, he rolled them so that he was hovered over her, her hair splayed out and for a second, he was seventeen again, lying on sunbaked grass on the school field with her laughing uncontrollably at him. Just as he'd done back then, he dropped a kiss to the corner of her mouth, grinning crookedly at her. "I thought you liked that about me?"

"Who told you that?"

"A little birdie..." He leant down, helpless against the urge to kiss her properly and she arched into him, just as eager. Time had changed the both of them, but Eddie was still so distinctly himself, she could still recognise elements of the boy she'd shared her first kiss with on the street where they parted to walk separate ways home.

The kiss deepened, became something more as hands roamed and clothes became mussed, and Rachel found herself willingly tipping her head back to grant Eddie greater access as his lips trailed down her throat to close over her clavicle.

When he abruptly broke a way, a small groan of complaint left her throat without her permission. Eddie was panting slightly as he stared down at her, hair wild from her fingers and lips reddened. "We were supposed to be waiting..."

Rachel herself was breathless as she tried to catch her thoughts up with his. "Why?"

"It's too soon..."

"Says who?" she demanded, and his gaze was like it pierced her.

"You don't think so?"

She shook her head, cupping his cheek in her hand. "I think we've got twenty years to make up for."

It took a beat, but a slow smile spread over his face before she slid her hand around the back of his neck and tugged him back down to her.

The next morning, they needed to part much earlier than both of them wanted. It would definitely cause more than a few whispers if they both arrived at work together, with Eddie in the same clothes as yesterday. So after being forced from the bed by Rachel, he made quick moves to get home and changed whilst trying not to be too late. Luckily for him, he had a reason to be hurrying, seeing as soon as he'd completed his needed tasks then he'd be right back by her side. He had no idea how he was going to manage to be so close to her throughout the day and not have his hands all over her, too alive with the feeling of finally being close to her again. He felt on cloud nine as he finally pulled into work and went about his day, trying his hardest not to see Rachel unless it was essential. They had a senior management meeting soon anyway, and seeing her before that would throw professionalism out of the window. So he taught his year eight's and made a coffee in the staffroom come break time, knowing that any more time spent with her was making it more dangerous for the both of them. As he settled back at his desk and began to plan exactly where he was going to take her at the weekend, he made a quick glance at the clock and quickly bolted back for the god. He'd forgot to actually attend the meeting he'd been so excited about earlier, and needed to get there fast.

"Does anybody think he's been acting really funny lately? He's smiling, and he even said he didn't want Stuart Hordley to be working here."

Unfortunately for Eddie, he chose to walk in at that very moment. He didn't want Rachel to find out about his little slip up, and took a quick glance at her to see just how angry she was at him. But she was smirking instead, trying not to break out into a huge grin at Steph's words. He had a feeling it was her comment about him being happy that had put her in a good mood, and he couldn't deny that he loved having that effect on her. They managed to get through the meeting, but only just. Eddie's foot happened to slip against her leg only a few times and she tried her best to keep a neutral expression. He knew he wouldn't know how she really felt until Steph and Tom left them too it, so hung around as they both piled out of the room and finally turned to face her.

He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but having Rachel practically fall into his arms was definitely not it. He was about to question it, to check she was okay, when he felt her lips against his. He reacted immediately, hands around her waist as he pulled her impossibly closer. "Good morning to you too." He uttered against her mouth when air became necessary, keeping her close as he pulled back only slightly.

"You said that this morning." She reminded him, and was immediately filled with heat as she remembered just how well their morning had started. Now she'd gotten a taste of what it was like to be with Eddie again, to share her burden and wake up next to him, she wasn't sure how she'd ever come back from that. Not that she wanted to anyway. Her day has dragged on as she counted down the minutes until she got to see him, although she appreciated his efforts to stay away as it gave her the chance to get her paperwork out of the way.

Sensing that she was in a good mood, Eddie kind of second guessed that he may ruin it. But he knew this needed saying now before it had the chance to run into their weekend together. "I've done a bit of digging."

"I'm not going to like this am I?"

"I just.. want to protect you okay? I don't want him near you again."

"I appreciate that, but I don't want him to-"

"I'm sorry, but can I have a word?" Steph was suddenly at the door, clearly in too much of a rush to even wait to be told to enter. The pair turned to her and thought she'd only just left, hadn't realised just how long they'd both spent being wrapped up in each other. "It's about Wilson Bingham.. and Janeece." She looked sheepish, and Rachel knew that her good mood was going to be a distant memory as soon as Steph filled them in. Whatever Eddie had found would clearly have to wait, as would any further romantic moments between the two.


	14. Chapter 14

Unfortunately, it seemed as if the universe was conspiring against Rachel and Eddie. If it wasn't the kids causing trouble at school, it was the teachers and outside of it, Alison and Michael seemed to be taking up a large portion of Eddie's evenings which meant when Friday rolled around, Rachel found herself leaving school the second she could and driving straight to her current location. She was beginning to regret not thinking that decision through a little more. But there was no point turning back, so she didn't allow herself to hesitate as she rang the doorbell.

"Rachel!" Philip grinned at her in surprise when he swung the door open. "I didn't know you were coming!"

"Neither did I," she muttered to herself, but gave him a smile. "Neither does your mother. Is she here?"

"In the kitchen." He stepped back, allowed her in. "Mum, Rachel's here!"

Rachel steeled herself, was careful not to allow the stab of anger she felt at the sight of her sister show on her face. Melissa's expression lit up when she entered, and she made as if to step forward and hug her. "Rach! What are you doing here?" Her expression became hurt when Rachel quickly stepped backwards, away from her.

"Phil, do me a favour- go upstairs and put your headphones in," Rachel requested quietly. The boy glanced between them, and then quickly hurried off to do as she asked. Melissa looked concerned.

"What's wrong? What are you doing here?"

"Nothing's wrong." Her voice was strangely calm, apathetic. "I just wanted to look you in the eyes when I asked you if that letter ever made it out the house, or if you'd thrown it away before you even made it out the door."

Melissa blanched. Rachel saw the colour drain from her face, her eyes go wide. "What letter?"

"You know exactly what letter. Melissa, how could you?"

Her sister swallowed thickly. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"DON'T." The word whipped out, barely restrained fury and grief resounding within it and Melissa had to fight the urge to step away, to retreat. Rachel dug her nails into her palm. "Don't you dare," she hissed. "Haven't you lied enough?"

She saw the second Melissa broke, saw the slump of her shoulders as her hand came up to cover her mouth. "Rachel, I'm so sorry-,"

"I don't care." Even as she said it, she knew it was a lie but she couldn't help it. "I just want to know why."

"I don't know."

Rachel laughed incredulously. "You don't know? How the hell can you not know? You made a decision, you must have known why you were making it."

"Rachel, I was so young…"

"You were fourteen!" she snapped. "Do you remember what I was doing at fourteen? I was working six days a week alongside school to support YOU! So don't you dare tell me that!"

Melissa let out a small sob, tears rolling down her cheeks but for once, it had no effect on Rachel. "You were supposed to be my sister," her voice cracked, and she hated herself for it. "How could you do that to me? Did you really hate me so much?"

"Yes!" It burst out, and Rachel couldn't help but flinch in shock and hurt. "Yes, back then I did!" Melissa continued. "Because I was fourteen and stupid and you were so perfect and I hated you for it as much as I loved you!"

Rachel's jaw dropped open. "Mel, I was the furthest thing from perfect…"

"But you were!" Melissa cried. "You were my big sister, you could do no wrong! You were clever and got good grades, all the teachers loved you, you had this big circle of friends and you held down a job and you were all I ever heard about! Isn't Amanda clever? Isn't she a hard worker? Aren't she and Eddie the most perfect bloody couple!"

Rachel stared at her in shock. "You were jealous of me?"

"Of course I was! I was one big screw-up, failing almost every test I took, jumping from one bad boyfriend to another. And being constantly compared to you! I was the pretty blonde one, and Eddie still wouldn't look twice at me! All he cared about was you."

The air seemed to have disappeared from the room. "You wanted Eddie?"

"And all he wanted was you. And at fourteen bloody years old, it was the end of world."

Now, Rachel's own tears were falling down her cheeks. "You did it on purpose. Let me leave alone so you could have a shot at him."

"I was an idiot, I know that now." Melissa sounded desperate. "I wanted someone to love me like he loved you. I thought…"

She trailed off, and Rachel let out a sob. "Do you realise what you did? To me, Mel? Do you have any idea what your actions caused?"

Melissa watched her sister break down and realised it was one of the very rare occasions that Rachel had actually let her see her cry. When she returned to her, no longer Amanda and no longer the sister she once knew, it was one of the many changes that had taken place. Rachel Mason was a lot colder than Amanda had been, had clearly been through plenty of scenarios that she didn't want to talk about. Rachel had a plan, she had goals and she wasn't going to let anything stand in her way. But she also wasn't going to let herself get close to anyone, was more reserved and kept herself to herself. She threw herself into work, made a name for herself by her sheer determination to climb to the top and make differences to ask many children's lives as she could. But that Rachel was miles away from the woman sat in front of her now, and Melissa hated herself for it. "I'm sorry.." It wasn't much to offer, but she didn't have much else to say. An apology was all she could manage, all she could do without being able to take back the past. She'd only been young, naive and stupid to believe that Eddie would fall into her arms with her sister out of the picture. She'd change many things if she could, and would start with making her sister a priority. If she hadn't been so focused on wanting to have the perfect life and the perfect man, she may have been able to notice what Rachel was going through, and may have saved her a whole heap of heartache.

"Sorry?" Only her apology fell on death's ears, was the last thing Rachel actually wanted to hear. "Do you know what he said Melissa? He'd have come with me."

"What?"

"Eddie would have run away with me, we'd have gone together. I'd of had no reason to.. do anything that I did. He wanted to stay by my side, he thought I didn't love him."

Melissa knew Eddie was head over heels for her sister, even for how young they were, anyone with eyes could see that the couple were in it for the long haul. They weren't teenagers in love, they were more like a married couple. They were serious from the get go, a real love that was rare to find at such a young age. It was partly why Melissa had resented them both so much, because why couldn't she have that? She figured it was Eddie that was the reason, thought that he was just programmed to love in that way. If she wanted that, then Melissa needed him. Only to hear that he'd have left everything, upped and left with a backpack on his back and his hand in hers, she felt even worse. She looked at her sister, really noticed how broken she was, and allowed the tears to slip down her cheeks. "I was jealous, and stupid. It was so wrong of me, and I'd take it back in a heartbeat." She hoped that Rachel knew how sincere she was, could hear in her voice just how much she wanted her to believe her. "But he's back in your life now, I take it?" She was hoping for a quick change of topic, praying that Rachel wanted to tell her what had happened with Eddie and wouldn't hold this against her for a lot longer.

If anyone knew her little sister, it was her. Rachel could spot Melissa's lies a mile away, which was probably why she never brought up the letter to her face. Rachel simply never asked about it, didn't mention to Melissa that she believed Eddie didn't love her and that's why he didn't follow her after reading the letter. She was right, she couldn't let this hang them forever, but she wouldn't be completely forgetting it for a long while either. "Maybe I'll just keep you guessing." It was childish, and to emphasize her point; she crossed her arms too. There was only one person Rachel could act like this in front of, and that was Melissa.

"Don't be like that, I need details."

"Consider this your punishment."

Relief rushed through Melissa like a tidal wave, threatening to collapse her legs from under her. If Rachel was joking with her, however stonily faced, then she didn't completely hate her. She wouldn't lose her. "Fair enough." Her voice was croaky and broken- she couldn't bring herself to care.

"I'm going to need some time, Mel," Rachel warned. She couldn't pretend this had never happened.

"Of course."

Her immediate agreement only made Rachel feel worse. She sighed, collapsed onto a seat at the breakfast bar. "You want to know the real kicker?" she said quietly, not looking at her sister. "I was jealous of you."

Melissa's jaw dropped. "What?"

She shrugged. "I've always been jealous of you. You were prettier, the popular one, always so carefree. Nothing ever seemed to phase you, Mel, I spent most of our childhood envying everything about you."

Melissa mouth opened and closed again, eyes wide. "I never knew that…"

"How could you?" Rachel shrugged a shoulder, gaze fixed on her hands. "You've always been selfish, Mel. How could you have been that jealous of me? I worked two jobs while attending school fulltime, had to pay my own way from the day I turned twelve. I spent an hour every morning covering up my bruises, woke up every day wondering if that would finally be day dad went too far. You envied all that? You would have been welcome to it."

Melissa slid into a seat next to her, voice quiet. "I didn't realise," she confessed. "Not properly. Until you were gone, and they shut of the electricity within a couple of months, and dad stopped having money to give me. When I asked why… that was when he hit me for the first time, and told me it was your fault. You were the one who made sure the bills were paid, and who gave him money so that he had some to give to me before he spent it all on drink. You never said anything."

This should have been a conversation they'd had a long time ago, Rachel recognised, but it had simply never come up before. She swallowed thickly. "The only reason we had a roof over our heads, was because mum stipulated in her will that her life insurance pay-out be used for the mortgage. Otherwise, we'd have been in a lot more trouble a lot sooner."

"Why did you never tell me any of this?"

Rachel shrugged. "You were happy. Who was I to ruin that?"

"And I repaid you by tearing you and Eddie apart." Melissa scrubbed her hands over her face. Rachel picked at her sleeve.

"You went after him. One I was gone."

It wasn't a question, but Melissa nodded. "Not that it mattered. He never even looked at me, not once. No matter what I tried."

That caught Rachel's attention, and she looked up with a frown. "What did you try?"

"Everything." She laughed humourlessly. "Revealing clothes, getting him drunk, 'accidently' flashing him. Didn't even get his attention."

Obviously, Rachel thought, since she was fairly certain Eddie didn't even know most of that had happened.

She found herself once again thinking of the wonderful man that had come back into her life, not able to help the blush that heated her cheeks as she did so. He was loyal to her, even back then. To know he was willing to up and leave for her, gave her a feeling she'd never be able to describe. His family were much better off than hers, and he really did have his life set out for him before he was even born. So to know he'd have run off into the night with her truly meant a lot. Especially knowing that he wanted nothing to do with Melissa; was too blind with his worry for her and his upset that she'd left to even concentrate on anyone else.

Melissa watched her sister, who's eyes had glazed over as she went into her own world of daydreams. She found herself wondering how she'd ever been so stupid, ever done something so hurtful with the possibility of her being the one to gain from it. Seeing Rachel's reaction now, and knowing how Eddie had reacted in the past true, she found herself thinking of soul mates. She'd never believed in them before, had certainly never found her own soul mate. The only thing she knew for sure now, was that Eddie and her sister were going to make it to the end. "You've got it bad." She nudged her sister to bring her attention back to the present, not wanting their conversation to end and wanting to know exactly what was going on inside Rachel's brain.

"Excuse me?"

"Well the only other time I've seen you like this was with, well, Eddie."

Rachel didn't think it was possible to blush a deeper shade of red, but found herself doing just that. "I don't know what to do Mel." She finally admitted, knowing that there wasn't really anyone else she could talk to about how she was feeling.

"How do you mean?"

"I'm still angry with you, by the way." She reminded, trying her best to look stern but failing as she rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. "But I could do with some girl talk."

"Talk away sister."

"He knows.. about my past."

Melissa was shocked, genuinely couldn't believe Rachel had already told him. It took her months to get out of her what had happened. She simply reappeared after years with a new name and a new attitude, refused to discuss anything that happened and would shut down if asked any questions. It wasn't until she saw someone she knew from her past that Melissa found out what it was her sister had been through. "God. That's a big step. How did you tell him?"

"I didn't, he found out." She shrugged, before shaking her head and not allowing herself to get sidetrack. She didn't want to give Stuart Hordley the headspace, not today anyway. "One story at a time though. I just.. he's been so supportive."

"And what's bad?"

"Of course not, but how do I know if he's really okay with it?"

Melissa didn't really know how to answer that, as she hadn't had the correct reaction herself. She hit the roof, completely disgusted with her sister and refused to speak to her for weeks. Looking back, it wasn't what Rachel wanted or needed to hear. She deserved someone to be supportive, to apologize for all she'd been through and promise she'd never be alone again. It's what she wished she had done, along with a long list of changes she wished she could make to their past and their relationship. "He's still here, isn't he?"

"How do you mean?"

"You know him Rachel. If he didn't like it, would he have stuck around?"

Rachel contemplated that response, allowed herself to really think about not only the Eddie she knew years ago, but also the Eddie she knew as a Deputy in the recent weeks. "No." She admitted, more to herself than to Melissa. "He'd have handed his resignation and never spoken to me again, if he really wasn't happy."

"Then that's saying something, he obviously still cares about you."

Rachel's mind was transported back to their kiss and Eddie's admission at her comment, and before she knew it, she had a pillow being aimed and thrown at her head. "Hey!"

"You were doing it again." Melissa laughed, picking up another pillowing and threatening her with that. "If you're thinking about him, why don't you go and see him?"

"He'll be with his son."

Melissa didn't even have time to stop and think about the fact that Eddie was a father, too concerned for her sister and her happiness. It may have been the furthest thing from the top of her list when she was 14, but she was putting it right up there now. It was time to start fixing the mess she helped to create. "Now? He can't be that old, it's almost 9pm."

"God, is it? I thought it was earlier than that."

"Stop stalling, go and see him. Stop you drooling on my pillows as you think of him." Melissa definitely deserved to have the pillow thrown back at her, and only just recovered enough to catch Rachel calling her goodbyes as she walked out the door.


	15. Chapter 15

By the time Rachel had made the drive back to Rochdale, it was even later, and she'd begun to have doubts over what she was doing. What if Eddie was already asleep? What if he didn't want to see her? She'd allowed herself to become caught up in Melissa's enthusiasm but now she wasn't sure…

She turned left towards her house instead of right towards Eddie's, and the clinched the decision. Her phone was blank when she checked it- Eddie might still have been at Alison's, especially if Michael had refused to go to bed. Or maybe some distance might have made him reconsider entering into a relationship with an ex-prostitute.

Finally, when she was already tucked up into bed, she couldn't take it anymore. She'd barely thought about it before her fingers were typing and sending the text, only to regret it immediately afterwards.

'Are you awake?'

To her surprise, barely thirty seconds had passed and her phone began ring, Eddie's name flashing up on screen. She swallowed thickly. "Hello?"

"Hi." His voice was soft and warm, and even her insecurities couldn't mistake his tone for being unwelcoming. "Is everything okay?"

She closed her eyes, and found her voice was as quiet as his. "I went to Melissa's tonight and had it out with her."

There was a long silence. "What did she say?"

"That she was young and foolish. She'd been jealous of me, wanted you and so thought nothing of making sure I was out of the picture so she could go after you." Rachel's voice cracked, lump growing in her throat. She had raged at Melissa a few hours early, her emotions red-hot and raw. But now… now she'd processed, and all that fury had turned to grief and pain.

"Rach…"

"I'm so angry with her," she blurted out. "And I'm so hurt that she could do that to me, to us. But at the same time… at the same time she was fourteen years old and all screwed up and how can I blame her for something twenty years after she did it?"

She broke completely, and Eddie felt his heart constrict. "Amy, sweetheart… breathe."

She pressed her fingers to her mouth, curling up tighter as she tried to constrain her cries. Why did she always end up so emotional around him? "She didn't even try to argue back," she managed. "Everything I threw at her, she took. And even ended up being nice to me afterwards. Eddie, how am I supposed to feel?"

Eddie knew she was working herself up into a frenzy, ached to be there to calm her down but also didn't want to overstep any boundaries. They were working on building something together, he didn't want to ruin that by rushing things too soon. Only hearing her so upset and not being able to do anything about it was heartbreaking for him. "You're not supposed to feel anything darling." He soothed, knowing the only thing he could offer was his words. He was angry with Melissa too, for what could have been or could have changed. But Rachel was right, they couldn't hold onto something and expect her to suffer greatly when it happened 20 years ago and couldn't be changed. He just didn't want to be left alone in a room with her for a very, very long time.

"Huh?"

He let out a soft laugh as he imagined her look of confusion, could picture her head tilting as she tried to make sense of his words. "There's no rule book for this, there's no right or wrong way to respond."

"I just.. I can't help thinking of the what if's." She admitted, biting her lip to stop herself from crying. She wasn't even sure the reason for her tears, anger or anguish. She was still so angry with her sister, couldn't stop herself from going over the decision she made and knowing she'd have never done the same. She'd always loved her sister more than anything, had many arguments and took many beatings in order to save Melissa from being on the receiving end of her fathers hands. To know that Melissa was so jealous, used to hate her so much that she'd purposely made sure Eddie had no idea where she'd gone, hurt her to her core. But her anguish came with knowing Eddie spent years hurt because of her, even if she had no idea of the real reason. He'd spent years without the love he once had for her because he was made to believe she'd left him for a better offer, when it really couldn't be further from the truth.

Eddie had to nod to himself in agreement. Of course he was trying to keep the peace, but that didn't mean he couldn't be honest himself either. "Me either, it's all I've thought about since you walked back into my life."

"Me too Eddie. Seeing you again was like going back in time, but also seeing everything I could have had flash before my eyes too."

"I've done the same, thought of all the time we could have had together." Once again his mind flashed to his little boy, and he knew he didn't regret a second of his life that lead to having him. He couldn't be without Michael, but wished he hadn't of gone through the years of feeling so hurt and abandoned before he emerged as his shining light. Even Alison knew she was still playing second fiddle to his teenage love, and threw the fact back in his face multiple times towards the end of their relationship. What made it worse was the fact that Eddie couldn't even deny it. "I couldn't save you then, it was out of both our hands. But I'll save you know."

"I don't need you to save me Eddie." She scoffed, almost offended at what he was suggesting. She'd gotten this far without him. Yes, it had been a struggle, but she'd still done it.

Eddie smiled to himself as she spoke, could almost hear her roll her eyes and pout at his words. She always was fiercely independent, and was even more so now. He didn't want to get into an argument with her, not when they were having such a nice conversation. So he decided to keep the peace, and hopefully send her to bed with a smile on her face. "Then let me be by your side while you save yourself."

The lump in Rachel's throat only seemed to grow bigger. She tried to force it away a few times, blinking rapidly. "That's so cheesy."

To her relief, her voice was steady, albeit strained. Eddie chuckled. "That hasn't changed, then?"

"No," she agreed weakly. She shifted her weight, bit her lip. "Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

Rachel closed her eyes. "I'm really glad we both ended up at Waterloo Road."

Warmth and fervour resonated through his voice. "So am I."

Rachel still wasn't okay, not by a long way. But this was helping. "Rach?" Eddie caught her attention. "Cheesy or not, I meant what I said. I plan on sticking around. Even if I know you don't need me to save you. You never have."

She laughed, strained and quiet, but genuine. "I can think of more than a few occasions where you saved me."

"Only because you let me," he argued lightly. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

Of course she did. Her first day of secondary school, clad in a second-hand blazer that was too big for her and a tie that felt alien. Easy pickings for a small group of much older boys who spotted her that morning, cornered her against the wall. Only Rachel lived with a father who used his fists as most men used their tongues, and she was having none of it. She brought her knee up between the legs of the first boy, slammed her bag into the face of the second and easily dodged past the stunned third, racing up the road where Eddie and his friends were standing, jaws on the ground as they looked at the tiny little year seven who had just held her own against three year elevens.

Amanda had just looked at them crossly, barely out of breath. "What?"

Eddie grinned at the memory. "You were brilliant," he recalled. "I think I fell a little bit in love with you right there and then."

Rachel scoffed, but unseen by him, was smiling. "Of course you didn't. It was hardly cool for a year eight to show any interest in a little year seven."

"That's not fair. I showed interest. Maybe not of the romantic sort right then, but it was there."

He had, she had to admit. He and his friends had walked her the rest of the way to school, giving her tips and tricks to survive secondary education the entire way. And that evening, Eddie had caught up with her on the way home, falling into step beside her and so beginning a tradition that lasted right up until she'd left so many years later.

Warmth curled inside her at the memory. "I suppose you did," she agreed.

With both their hearts warmed at their memories of what they used to have, they parted with soft words of a goodnight and fell into a peaceful sleep. After all, it was easy to fall to sleep with a smile on your face when you'd be seeing the one person you wanted to the very next day. It was what spurred Rachel on to get ready just that bit faster, set her alarm a few minutes earlier than necessary as she carefully picked her outfit and put just a bit more effort into her hair. She pulled into school just in time, her eyes immediately seeking him out and finding him walking in at the same time as she reached the main doors. She watched him walk with Paul, knowing she probably should shoot off towards her office and start her day as the students rushed around her and chatted amongst themselves. But she couldn't help but smile as she watched him in action, knowing he was none the wiser about where she was secretly observing him. He finally reached her and she made her presence known, glad that his smile lit up his face when he took notice of where she'd been stood waiting for him. "Good morning Mr Lawson." Her face felt warm, and she hoped her extra minutes of applying her make up were doing something to hide the blush that was gracing her cheeks.

"Were you watching me Miss Mason?" He whispered, moving closer to her so his lips were practically against her ear. He knew she was, had spotted her earlier as he continued his chat with Paul about Macbeth.

She feigned shock at his insinuation, pressing a dramatic hand to her chest as they started the walk to her office. "Would I ever?"

"I think somebody has a little bit of a crush."

"Don't push your luck." She nudged him as they climbed the stairs, falling into a comfortable silence as he walked by her side. She couldn't help but notice that he seemed to belong there, right next to her as the started to tackle their day. He joined her in her office, only to find the phone was already ringing as they got there. Rachel set about answering it as Eddie headed straight for the kettle to make them both a hot drink.

"Okay, I'll send someone down in a minute." She answered, turning back to face him with an exasperated look on her face. "Great. It looks like we've run into our first little snag with the building work. I think we have a little protest on our hands." She knew exactly who it would be, knew which students would be causing such a fuss at this early hour. But it needed sorting, and quickly. If the building work wasn't going to be able to start today, Stuart would want to know why. He wasn't paying builders to sit around and do nothing, which is exactly what would happen if Mika and Brett continued with their stupid act of protest. "I think this is one for you Eddie."

"Oh yeah? For a change." He joked, smirking at her as he rolled his eyes.

"Shall I come with you?" She offered, knowing she needed to get this sorted. And quick, before anyone was able to tell Stuart exactly what was happening.

"Why? I am capable Rach."

"I know you are, but if they don't get started then Stuart might have to come."

Ah, there it was. The reason he could tell she was worried by the look on her face. She didn't want any reason for Stuart to have to come anywhere near the school, and the first day of his building work being stopped because of protests would do just that. "Understood. I'll sort it love."


End file.
